


Never Lose Your Flames

by LettersToShakespear



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: 2 for 1 how awesome, Angsty and Cutey, College Student Kíli, Firefighter AU, Firefighter Fíli, He attracts bad luck, It's also kind of a Coffee Shop AU?, It's funny and sad all at once, Kili Is Spaztastic, Kili is a huuuuuge klutz, M/M, Minor Injuries, Sexual activities weeee!, Slow Build, There's dick touching, Well kind of minor in some parts, wooohooo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2014-10-09
Packaged: 2018-02-20 12:46:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2429342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LettersToShakespear/pseuds/LettersToShakespear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kili is your average University Student living in NYC, and he also very might well be the klutz from hell who has a really huge knack for setting things on fire. Cue one gorgeous and irritable firefighter who can't believe just how incapable Kili is, and you have a recipe for disaster. </p><p>(I suck at Summary's so just give it a shot! hehe)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Lose Your Flames

**Author's Note:**

  * For [liddie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/liddie/gifts).



> This took me about 5,000 years to write! AH! And I am sooo excited that I finally finished it! A special thanks goes out to Littleravenkili, Dianalunae, DaisyKatherine, Bluebutterflywrites, and anyone else who helped me get through the writing process of this, because lord knows I needed all that positivity! 
> 
> And I'm gifting this work to Liddie because she was totally my numero uno fan in getting this done and being so positive and wonderful and telling me to take my time and not stress over getting it finished! Thank you so much! <3 
> 
> So let me know what you think everyone! I'm desperate to see how everyone feels about this, and I'm sooo excited to finally have something to offer to the fandom again! Thanks for your patience in waiting for this friends! Love ya'll, and I hope you enjoy!!! :D <3

* * *

 

The first time it happens, it’s an absolute accident. Honestly, Kili had no idea that such a small amount of tinfoil would cause the microwave to start hissing and zapping, electric shocks running through the kitchenware before it started emitting a foul smell.

 

At first he’d stared wide eyed at the horror that he had caused, having no idea what the hell he should do and something was telling him that the fact that sparks were emitting was not a good sign at all. So what does he do? He rips open the microwave and instantly regrets it, because now there’s a spume of black smoke pulsing out into the air like a bat out of hell. It takes 2.5 seconds for the fire alarm to go off and another second for a collective shout to start up within the building. He has no doubt that his fellow undergrads will be ready to kill him, his roommate, Ori, at the very top of that list.

 

He exits his shared apartment to see all of his neighbors exiting their own rooms with various looks of anger and annoyance on their faces. He can hear the sounds of sirens off in the distance and there’s a damn fire engine and a ladder truck on the way and Kili is going to _die_ from embarrassment. Every fire alarm that went off in New York City was taken _very_ seriously, and he’s going to get the ribbing of his life from the entire building for dragging the cities finest out for something so terribly inconsequential.

 

There’s a guilty look plastered across his face, and when Ori pops out of his friend Sam’s room, he looks more than mildly disgruntled. It’s like his friend knows exactly what happened because he turns his head slowly towards Kili like he has a tracking device on him, eyes meeting his and a hard scowl forming on his face. If the sirens weren’t so loud, he’d hear every cuss that Ori spouts off. At least he can be thankful for _not_ being able to hear right now. Marching up to him, Ori grabs him by the arm and drags him down the five flights of stairs, fingers tightening into his skin as they burst out into the ice cold of February air.

 

Barely anyone had time to grab a sweatshirt, let alone coats or jackets. The Residents of the University owned building stand outside in different states of undress, teeth chattering and scowls painted across their faces. Legolas looks like he’s about ready to kill someone, his girlfriend, Tauriel, curled up against him in a thin slip of a nightgown. Now Kili really feels like an ass.

 

“Kili, you little shit, what did you do!?” Ori hisses, some of the bite taken out of his words by the chattering of his teeth.

 

“It was totally an accident Ori, I was just microwaving the pie like you told me to and then it started sparking and smoking and –“

 

“You didn’t take the tinfoil off, did you?”

 

The words are cool, but Kili can see that familiar glint of steel shining in Ori’s eyes. By this time there are a few of the other residents that are looking his way, eyes narrowing as they notice little smudges of black smoke upon his skin. He’s about to try and defend himself, but the fire alarm is suddenly cut off and the sirens of the fire engine are no longer wailing. There’s a group of firefighters grumbling around the rig, gloves, helmets and protective hoods being pulled off in quick succession. There’s a man with graying hair talking to their RA, Bilbo, and another firefighter coming out of the apartment building.

 

His eyes are glued onto Bilbo and the other man, eyes wide as their conversation escalates into a loud and heated argument that every student obviously listens in to.

 

“We take our jobs very seriously, Mr. Baggins, and we don’t appreciate being called down here to deal with some rowdy college students pulling an alarm for shits and giggles!” The words come out as a growl, and he’s a good foot taller than Bilbo, but it doesn’t stop him from glaring up at the brick of a man.

 

“My residents did _not_ , pull the fire alarm! They know exactly how serious an action like that is, Dwalin! Just because they’re young students doesn’t mean that-“

 

“Oh of course you’re going to defend the little bastards! If my man doesn’t find any evidence in that building to suggest otherwise, I’ll-“

 

“I found it, Dwalin.”

 

Kili feels like a fucking train has hit him because there is no way in _hell_ that anyone should ever look that attractive. Who the hell would hire someone so damn hot to be a firefighter, it was criminal!! Long golden hair thrown up into a ponytail, beautiful blue eyes, and no one should have a beard that nice. And _damn_ is there muscle visible on this guy, his fire-coat peeled off to reveal nicely muscled arms and strong hands. One of which happens to be holding onto a very familiar blackened pie. Shit.

 

The blond looks more than a little annoyed. Lips pursed and eyebrows pulled down into a bit of a scowl. Bilbo looks ecstatic to see the pie, swinging around to look at Dwalin and point a finger at his face.

 

“Ha! I told you it wasn’t a fire alarm being pulled!”

 

“Yes, because some idiot who doesn’t know the first thing about microwave safety is really any better,” the blond grouches, and _ouch_ did that sting.

 

Dwalin refuses to look at Bilbo, focusing in on the blond with a cool look on his face.

 

“What room was it, Fili.”

 

“Fifth floor, room 515.”

 

“All right then, you all heard, now who’s responsible?”

 

Kili feels absolutely frozen and mortified, arms wrapped around his middle to stave off the chill and _everyone_ slowly turns to look at him, not even attempting to try and cover for him. Damn. So much for looking out for your fellow man.

 

“Oh, Kili.”

 

Insultingly enough, Bilbo doesn’t look surprised at all to see that it’s Kili who had caused the smoke alarms to be set off. He couldn’t really deny that he had a bit of a reputation.. Okay maybe a huge one for being a klutz. Kili was always falling down stairs or accidently knocking into things. Generally wherever Kili went, chaos followed. He was the guy who accidently ran into people and made them spill their coffee, the one who forgot to close Pippins door, which had allowed his Guinea Pig to roam free in the hallway. It had taken them a good hour to catch the damn thing.

 

Everyone is stepping away from him to leave him to his fate, only Ori sticking by his side. At least he can count on his best friend to not abandon him to an extremely gorgeous and very angry firefighter. The blond doesn’t hesitate to stalk right up to him either, eyes narrowing as he takes Kili in. He feels extremely self-conscious with his sloppy bun and overlarge t-shirt, not to mention his pajama pants that may or may not be covered with Captain America symbols.

 

“Would you care to explain this?” Fili asks, waving the remnants of the pie in front of his face.

“I uhm.. a bad life choice?”

 

“Why the _hell_ would you put tinfoil into a microwave? What would possess you to do something so stupid? Did you not learn _anything_ about fire safety or cooking when you were in high school? Or are you really just that damn ignorant?”

 

The blond looks completely furious at this point and Kili is absolutely derailed by all of this, because it was a damn accident! It’s not like he did it on purpose, he wasn’t trying to incite the anger of anyone, let alone a fire department!

 

“I’m sorry, it was a mistake! I got four hours of sleep last night and I have a paper due and I just wasn’t thinking straight, Jesus!”

 

“How about from now on, you actually use your damn head and think so you don’t end up wasting everyone’s time. Especially when we have more important things to deal with then some college kid.”

 

Fili growls the words, shoves the pie into his hands and stalks away towards the fire engine. He’s left there standing in shock, mouth open in a little oh and cheeks stained a bright red. Everyone is looking at him with different levels of amusement and he feels completely belittled. Bilbo seems to be in a state of shock because of the conversation, and even Dwalin looks a little surprised. Ori stands beside him with hackles raised, teeth bared in anger as he makes a step forward.

 

“The building’s clear,” Fili shouts, not bothering to turn back around. Everyone still stands silently, but Kili doesn’t take the time to be there any longer than he has to. The pie gets thrown into a nearby trash bin and he rushes back into the building, trying to hold back the well of anger, embarrassment, and hurt that threatens to take over.

 

* * *

 

 

After the microwave fire incident, Kili does his best to forget all about it. It’s made a bit difficult considering half the residents of the building get a kick out of tormenting him about it. Snide comments here and there, poking jokes. It makes him feel like he is a thread slowly being frayed, little pieces slowly starting to unwind from one another.

 

He starts to spend more time doing his homework at the University library. He’d rather be there then back at the apartment building. Granted, after a week most of his fellow undergrads had begun to lose interest in making in fun of him. And usually he wouldn’t even care, but every time anyone says a damn thing, all he can think of is that stupid firefighter that made him feel like a complete idiot. Which is distracting him more than it should be, considering it was just one guy after all.

 

He gets a text message from Ori, and he doesn’t hesitate a second to read it. He’ll do anything for a distraction at this point.

 

_They’re hiring at that coffee shop down the street if you’re still desperate to find a job. I even picked up an app for you because I’m just that great. Also, Bring home some ice cream on your way through._

Kili snorts at the demand, but he knows he’ll follow through anyways. He’d been looking for a job for the past month and a half. He didn’t need much, just somewhere he could pick up a few hours here and there.

 

_Thanks Ori. Which shop exactly? There’s like fifteen of them on this block._

 

_That hipster one. Figured it would be right up your alley, considering._

If he weren’t so happy about the potential job, he’d probably be extremely insulted by Ori’s words. He’ll let it slide though, because Ori is an absolutely fabulous friend in his book, all things considered.

 

It takes him little less than a minute to shove all of his things into his bag, pea coat buttoned up and a knitted beanie pulled over the top of his head. Shoving his hands into his coat pockets, he makes his way back to the apartment so he can begin filling out the job application. He almost forgets to pick up some ice cream but he’s not willing to put up with how much shit Ori will give him for it.

 

So he stops at one of the many little stores that dots the city, searching for the kind Ori likes while wondering why the hell his friend feels the need to have ice cream when it’s so god damn cold outside. It’s when he’s headed towards the counter that he sees a familiar group of people; a group of people that he didn’t want to _ever_ see again.

 

The fire crew from last week. _Nope_. Nope times five thousand and ten. He doesn’t care if Ori gets upset or harasses the shit out of him; he is not going to ever interact with this group again if he can help it. So if he’s that guy who leaves the ice cream on a random wrack and gets the hell out of dodge, no one need know any better.

 

* * *

 

 

Ori does indeed give him shit, but not as much as he would have received usually, thanks to his explanation why. He also manages to get the job at the coffee shop, and it really isn’t anymore ‘hipster’ than other coffee shops Kili has been to before. Ori tells him it’s because he’s immune. He doesn’t bother to respond.

 

It’s when he’s getting home from work that the second incident occurs. It honestly shouldn’t even be called his fault; he’s not the one that left the space heater right next to the door, and he’s not the one who left his basket of knitting right next to the damn thing!

 

But Ori is in his room and Kili opens the door and he doesn’t know it’s on and it knocks over and he doesn’t even notice. He’s not very aware of his surroundings, okay? So he goes into his room and changes into some sweats and a t-shirt because he’s tired and he still has a ton of homework that he needs to do. He’s focused solely on getting some food, and then there’s squawking coming from right out in the entryway. Kili rushes out, and that’s when he sees the space heater tipped over, the basket a fiery ball of flames and Ori is in the little tiny kitchen area desperately trying to fill up a pitcher of water.

 

“Kili I swear to Christ I’m going to get Nori to beat the ever loving shit out of you!! How did you manage to set something on fire again!”

 

“That’s not fair, you’re the one who left it next to the door!”

 

Their shouting is cut off by the sound of the fire alarm going off, just as Ori throws the water on top of the flaming inferno of knitting. Sirens screech through the air and as soon as the two are out in the hallway, everyone can see the more than annoyed look on Ori’s face. So then everyone automatically assumes that it’s Kili’s fault, again, and he’s back at square one.

 

And of course, it’s the same damn Ladder crew that shows up at the apartment building, and Kili is so, so ready to turn and run away because Dwalin looks slightly murderous and Fili is annoyed as fuck. One of the other members of the crew (who he later finds out is Bofur), seems to think it’s quite amusing that they’re back here only a week later.

 

Bilbo comes rushing out of the building and everyone is trying to figure out who caused the alarm to go off again. Ori, being the vindictive little shit he is, decides that Kili deserves some punishment, since apparently it was _his_ fault that Ori’s stupid sweater went up in flames.

 

“Bilbo, I know _exactly_ who caused the fire alarm to go off. Behold the culprit,” Ori glares, making an elaborate hand gesture at Kili’s person.

 

“Oh you have _got_ to be kidding me.”

 

Fili is the one who, once again, comes up to him, Dwalin in tow as well as Bilbo. Once more Kili is the center of attention and he despises it and Ori is going to rue the day he decided that knitting was more important than their friendship.

 

“It’s not even really my fault! He left the space heater next to the door and I didn’t even know it was there!” Kili is pretty positive that his defense is coming off weak, considering he’s shivering once again and his skinny frame is not meant to be outside in this weather at all. Not to mention he’s looking completely admonished and is furiously blushing because he has found himself yet again in the presence of the gorgeous firefighter. His mind’s already going off on a tangent at the thought of fireman holiday calendars and he wonders if Fili does anything like that because he would _pay_ to see him without a shirt on. Not to mention-

 

“Kili!” Ori hisses at him and he has absolutely no idea of what has been said for the past few minutes. From the expressions on Dwalin and Fili’s faces, he doesn’t really honestly want to know.

 

“How the hell did you miss the presence of a space heater? How did you not notice an object of that size falling, how did you not _hear_ it?”

 

Dwalin is the one giving him a verbal lashing this time around but it looks like Fili is about to join in at any moment.

 

“I’m sorry, okay! It’s not like I came home and said to myself, ‘hm, I wonder how I can set something else on fire today’! I’m a klutz and I knock things over and I’ve broken an inordinate amount of bones in my life because I trip and fall and I’m just super clumsy!”

 

Fili practically throws his hands up in the air, eyes narrowed and Kili _really_ didn’t want to be dealing with this tonight. He had a long ass shift and he needs to do his damn homework and this is a waste of his time. Not that he’ll be saying that because it’ll be an entirely new shit storm that’s opened up if he does.

 

“Do you honestly think that’s a good excuse? Seriously kid?”

 

Now _that_ pissed Kili off.

 

“ _Kid?_ Excuse me? You’re like what, four or five years older than I am? I don’t think you have the right to call me _kid_ , especially when I have a name and you don’t even have the entitlement to call me that.”

 

His words only cause Fili to grow even angrier, if that’s possible. They’re both toe to toe and about ready to start a yelling match and it takes Ori grabbing him by the arm and tugging him away to get him to back down. Dwalin is admonishing Fili and there is no way in hell Kili will ever be able to get over that look of utter disdain focused on him.

 

“I think I’m completely warranted to call you kid, considering you apparently don’t even have the mental capacity of a fifth grade kid when it comes to fire safety! Are you seriously this incompetent or are you just doing this to be an asshole?”

 

“You know what, Fuck You! You don’t get to treat me like I’m worthless trash because you had to show up here and do your fucking job! Go fuck yourself!”

 

Fili’s eyes are rounded with surprise, face pale and lips parting the slightest bit and Kili hates it because he’s so fucking pissed and when he gets this mad he can never stop himself from crying. It’s like his tear ducts are hardwired to his anger and he _hates_ it because there are tears leaking from the corners of his eyes and he doesn’t want to give this asshole the satisfaction of seeing him like this. So he storms away and doesn’t even listen to Bilbo when he calls after him and Ori at least sticks up for him.

 

“I hope you feel real good about yourself, asshole.”

 

He never wants to see Fili ever again.

 

* * *

 

 

Its been another one of those days. He has a few hours at the coffee shop as well as a five page paper due the next day for his Lit class. He also needs to read about three chapters for that required seminar that he’s in, and about fifteen math problems to do because his University is evil and forces English majors to take math classes to graduate. Which is a cardinal sin in Kili’s opinion, but that’s a rant for another time.

 

Of course one of his coworkers, Faramir, is running late so Kili gets strong-armed into sticking around for an extra hour. If he could wheedle his way out of it he would but Gandalf makes him a promise of free coffee for the next two days and there’s no way in hell he’s going to turn that offer down.

 

It’s 6:00 PM and he’s making those stupid coffees with the dumb patterns in the foam. He is not an art student, and if his customers don’t leave him alone soon, he’s going to say fuck it and draw genitalia in their foam. Thankfully it doesn’t come down to that because Arwen decides to take over on the more artistic aspect of things.

 

He’s more than relieved that he doesn’t have to worry about that anymore, but it’s cut short soon enough when he sees a familiar blond about two customers down the line. Kili could honestly cry. It doesn’t help that they totally make eye contact and Kili doesn’t even wait for a look of recognition to dawn before he’s looking away and fleeing into the back room.

 

“Killian, you get your ass back here right now!” Arwen is yelling from the front and he doesn’t even care because he is not dealing with _him_ today. So he sits out back and doesn’t even feel a twinge of guilt at leaving Arwen with so many customers because he’s already on the verge of a stress induced breakdown and Fili the sexy fucking fireman is _not_ going to be the one to push him over the edge with cruel remarks.

 

Thankfully Faramir shows up right on cue, apron already thrown over his clothes and hair swept up and out of his face.

 

“You left Arwen out there by herself? Not only is that fantastically cruel, she’s also going to kill you.”

 

“Faramir, I will deal with that later. All I need you to tell me is if the hot guy with the long blond hair is still inside the shop right now.”

 

“Uhm, maybe? I wasn’t really checking to see whom the customers chilling in the shop were, considering Arwen was about to breathe fire at me. I think I may have seen a brooding blond in the back corner though. Why?”

 

“I need to avoid him at all costs, that’s why. Thank you so, so much for showing up, and tell Arwen that I owe her one!”

 

When he exits the back the store is still swamped and Arwen sends him an absolutely murderous glare.

 

“Kili, that guy over there wants-“

 

“Absolutely nothing from me because I am a free agent now, I’m clocked out, and I’m leaving! Have a nice night!”

 

He may look a little desperate and crazed as he leaves the shop but he doesn’t care as long as it gets him away from Fili. Not a single glance is spared towards the back corner and he doesn’t even stop when he sees that other guy, Bofur, coming towards him. For once in his life he’s thankful that the shop is so crowded because it makes it that much easier for him to get away from anyone that’s involved with firefighting.

 

When he gets back to the apartment, Ori is in the living along with Merry, Sam, Frodo, Pippin, and Gimli. They’re having a Mario Kart tournament and they all instantly beg Kili to join in with them.

 

“I have so much homework that I need to do guys, It’s not even funny.”

 

“Aw c’mon you spoil sport! At least play a round with us!” Pippin shouts, the rest of them joining in far to quickly.

 

“Shutup I’m trying to win!” Ori is the most vicious of them all and he doesn’t hesitate to elbow Pip in the ribs to make him jolt the joystick and cause him to lose his second place position.

 

“Oi, who do you think you are you shit!”

 

It turns into an all out brawl and soon enough Kili finds himself being dragged into the thick of it, a controller pushed into his hand and everyone is forcing him to sit down between Gimli and Sam.

 

“One game! I’m playing one game and them I’m going to do my homework you guys!”

 

He plays until midnight and doesn’t end up finishing his homework until four in the morning.

 

So really, the next day’s events are not his fault. It’s theirs. Not that anyone cares to listen to what he has to say at this point.

 

Kili can at least say that his next encounter with his favorite fire crew doesn’t even have a fire involved. No flaming knitwear or microwaves emitting sparks and clouds of smoke. This next encounter is due to something completely different that is _seriously_ not his fault this time.

 

He only got about three hours of sleep the night before since he had to get up at seven for his eight o’clock class. As soon as that class was over he had another, and he didn’t have time to pick up a damn coffee so he’s ready to pass out. His hair is a wreck, he actually wore sweatpants to class for the first time in his life, and his eyes look like there are purple bruises beneath them. Speaking of which, he can barely even keep his eyes open.

 

His head is a swirling mist of exhaustion and the desperate need for coffee and that is the only thing on his mind. So he can admit that yes, he wasn’t being very aware of the flow of traffic around him. But the crosswalk light had turned green and he’d thought that the world was a decent enough place that a car wouldn’t hit him, but hey, what do you know, a fucking car hits him.

 

He doesn’t even realize what exactly is happening at first. He’s just moving to walk across the road, he has the right of way, and then there’s just yelling coming from behind him. He doesn’t even see the car at first and when he does he manages to kind of side step it but not quite. Starbursts of pain blast through his chest when his body collides with hard metal, mouth opening in an oh as all the air in his lungs is forced out. His body twisting from the impact, the world swirls in a mix of colors, shapes, and sounds. Tires screech and horns honk and his body is smashing painfully against the ground, arm connecting with a hard crack when he goes down. It sounds like crunching metal and chaos and he doesn’t know what’s going on around him anymore.

 

All Kili knows is the feeling of his lungs being smothered, chest constricted so tight that he can’t pull air into his lungs. There’s someone kneeling down beside him trying to calm him down he thinks but he can’t hear anything at all. The world is silent and his chest _aches_ and he can’t _breathe._ And the time twists and turns away and he doesn’t know where it goes, only knows that black dots are bursting forth into his vision and he is gasping for air that won’t come.

 

Red flashing pulses enter his vision and it must be the sirens and lights of an ambulance but of course it isn’t because there’s that stupid fucking blond hovering over him with a worried expression and an oxygen tank in his hands. It sucks, because he can’t even groan in absolute horror because he’s to fucking busy trying to actually breathe, because there are these long harsh rasping noises coming from his throat, ones that make him feel like he is choking and bleeding from his throat because it _aches_ and he can’t _breathe_.

 

Fili’s there with quick hands, motioning for someone to come over, Dwalin, his mind supplies, and he watches with hazy vision as the oxygen mask is placed over his face and it freaks him the fuck out and only makes the gasping even harsher. Someone’s behind him and is lifting his head up onto their lap, tilting his head back and it feels like his airways have opened up a little because he can actually breathe a little bit. But he’s still gasping and it still hurts and there are tears leaking from the corners of his eyes because the pain is searing through him.

 

Fili drops onto his knees and leans over him, saying something to Kili but he doesn’t truly understand. All he knows is that the sounds wash over him like water and that it slowly starts to clear his head.

 

“The ambulance is almost here Kili but you need to try to breathe, alright? Long pulls, okay? You’re going to be fine, I promise.”

 

And somehow he manages to breathe through it and get enough oxygen in, but it all blanks out when they lift him onto the gurney and a harsh scream tears through him from the electrifying pain that convulses through his nerves. It’s all just a blackout mess after that.

 

* * *

 

  
He ends up having three snapped ribs and four fractured, a snapped radius and a fractured ulna, not to mention one hell of a concussion. Half of his face is covered in bruises because of his fall, and every inch of his chest is mottled in dark purple and blue, the skin raw and painful to even look at. Kili doesn’t want to think about what it must feel like because right now he’s on a high of morphine and that’s not something he’s willing to give up at any point. Unfortunately, his doctors say differently.

 

His left arm is covered in a plaster cast and he’s basically told to suck it up for his ribs. There’s a prescription being sent for some hardcore pain relievers to his pharmacy and that’s about all that can be done for that. A checkup is scheduled in two weeks so the doctors can make sure his ribs are healing correctly and to make sure that he doesn’t have any signs of pneumonia. They give him a list of breathing exercises to do as well as different things that he shouldn’t do so that he doesn’t screw up the healing process. If only his doctors knew his reputation for disaster.

 

Ori is the one who brings him home in a cab, hand petting through Kili’s hair and eyes wide as he looks at best friend every few minutes like he’s going to disappear. He’s tired and he’s exhausted and it isn’t fair because Ori is going to put him to sleep if he doesn’t cut it out soon.

 

“You scared the shit out of me, you know that, right?”

 

“M’sorry . Least it wasn’t my fault this time.”

 

Ori only sighs at the words, hands rubbing at his face before he turns to look at Kili head on.

 

“I know you probably really don’t want to hear this right now, but I have some unfortunate news. The elevator is broken so uhm.. well, we’re going to have to climb up.”

 

Kili doesn’t even bother to try and stop the whine that leaves his lips, mind already playing through how god damn painful it’s going to be, having to climb up five flights of stairs. He’ll be out of breath and gasping and that’s only going to make his stupid ribs hurt even more. It’s hard enough as it is for him to breathe, and the thought of climbing up all that makes him want to just break down and cry because this has been the worst fucking month of his life. He’s exhausted and stressed and there’s so much homework that he needs to make up and all he wants is to just sleep all the time because the drugs make him hazy and he has no idea what he’s done to deserve any of this.

 

So they get to the building and they have to take it one flight of stairs at a time. He takes half hour long breaks because he’s sore and he’s a wimp and he just wants to lay down and die at this point. Melodramatic? Yes. Untruthful? No.

 

Ori stays with him, even holds his hand to help him up the stairs. He gives Kili a hug when he gets to the fourth floor when tears start dripping out because he just wants to be done with this bullshit. He’s frustrated because he can’t even walk up to his damn apartment and he can’t breathe the right way and sleeping is going to be the worst thing ever and yet it’s the one damn thing he wants more than anything. The world is a bitch.

 

Everyone comes to visit him and make sure that he actually did survive. They all want to see his bruises so he just lies down on the couch and lets them all eye him like he’s some kind of zoo animal. Putting up a fight would be too much effort and he doesn’t even care. Legolas even comes by to see how he is which is obviously a sign of the oncoming apocalypse.

 

After a while Ori finally shoos everyone away. Somehow they manage to get himself into his room and settled down. He takes a painkiller while Ori grabs him a couple of ice packs to help ease the pain, trying his best to find some kind of comfortable position in his bed. He doesn’t want to move around too much, and he needs to figure out a way to keep the ice packs from falling off. So he pretty much has the option of laying on his back, something that he never, ever does.

 

Needless to say, he doesn’t really get any sleep that night. He’s in and out all through the night and if he had to guess, he’d say that he had maybe three hours. When Ori comes in the next morning to make sure he lived through the night, he gets a, “You really look like shit,” and that is the icing on the cake. He has two hours to get ready for classes so that he’ll be able to take his time without completely wanting to kill himself. All he really wants to do is go to bed, but his doctors made it pretty clear that he’d get better faster if he went about his daily routine. Work included.

 

“Alright Kili, we’ll start heading down now. Make sure you call me when you get out of class and I’ll meet up with you to get you to work. Gimli said he’d come and get you once you get out. Is that all good?”

 

“You guys don’t – don’t have to walk me around all day it’s – it’s fine.”

“We wouldn’t offer if we didn’t want to Kili, you know that. Besides, you shouldn’t be out by yourself when you’re feeling so shitty. And there’s only so many cab rides you can afford a week.”

 

Kili knows that Ori has a point, but he still feels bad that he has to be babysat. At least he knows that he has friends he can count on. Which is a damn good thing because there’s no way in hell he would have got to class on his own. Ori protects him from the hustle and bustle of crowded sidewalks, makes sure he has a shoulder to lean on and helps hold him up when it hurts to bad to breathe.

 

Ori guides him to his Lit. class and wishes him luck. The day has barely started and he already knows that it’s going to be a long one.

 

* * *

 

 

The first week is miserable. He doesn’t remember half of what he learns in his classes and turns in papers that make absolutely no sense. At least his last paper got a passing grade, and he didn’t completely bomb that math test. He’ll have to work his ass off to get his grades back up but it’s something that he’ll just have to think about later.

 

Gandalf allows him to go to work even though he doesn’t actually do jack shit. Most of the time he’s just curled up on the couch sleeping or attempting to do a homework assignment. So it’s his second week after the incident and he’s at work again, a cold coffee on the little table and a few books scattered around. He was going to try and get something done but lazing about is looking a lot better than anything else right now.

 

Someone’s moving around beside him and he figures it’s Gandalf or maybe Frodo or Merry coming to check up on him. He doesn’t think much of it, just stays relaxed on the couch as he dozes off and on for maybe an hour or so. It takes him a little while to fully awaken, hair a ruffled mess and eyes hazy with sleep. When brown eyes fully open, it takes him a few minutes to truly comprehend the sight before him. Fili is in the chair across from him, expression relaxed and fingers loosely curled around a book. A Part of Kili wants to just close his eyes and pretend to be asleep, but the more curious and masochistic part of himself would rather know why the blond is sitting across from him.

 

“Hi.”

 

Blue eyes flicker up from the pages of the book to meet Kili’s own. There’s quite a large part of him that’s terrified that Fili is here to chew him out about something or another. The more realistic side knows that there isn’t anything that he’s managed to screw up. Recently, that is.

 

“Hey.. How are you feeling?”

 

He shrugs and winces.

 

“Like shit.”

 

“Broken ribs are certainly on my least favorite breaks list. They’re an absolute bitch.”

 

He nods his head because he doesn’t know what else to say. Discomfort and pain flow through him and he just doesn’t understand why Fili is approaching him right now.

 

“What.. uhm.. what do you want?”

 

It’s almost amusing, because Fili looks like he’s at an absolute loss for words. His face is shadowed and he thinks that maybe there’s a flicker of regret within those blue eyes.

 

“I wanted to apologize to you.”

 

“Seriously?”

 

The last thing he wants to do is come off as a douche-bag but he can’t help being surprised by Fili’s sudden need to actually treat him like a human being. He’s honestly surprised by this whole thing and there’s a part of him that thinks this is all inside of his drug-addled brain.

 

“Seriously. I was an asshole, and the shit I said was completely uncalled for. Honestly.. I was having a shit week and I took it out on you. There was a fire earlier in the week and I couldn’t get a kid out in time and it was.. it was terrible. And then you burnt a pie and I just took it out on you and it isn’t an excuse at all. And the next time after that was.. hell it doesn’t even matter... I was an asshole and you didn’t deserve it. And I’m just.. I’m really very sorry about it. I’m not really that big of a douche bag, I promise.”

 

Kili’s really honestly trying to wrap his head around this, but the drugs in his system are really making it hard for him to comprehend anything. But Fili looks at him with a patient expression and that’s certainly something new. He still feels self-conscious though, that any minute Fili is going to tell him he’s just a stupid kid.

 

“I.. I guess I can accept that you’re sorry and that you had reasons for why you were such an asshole but… well you’re still kind of an asshole.”

 

Fili half smiles at the words, eyes a little sad but lips straining.

 

“Yeah, I know. Is there… any way I can make it up to you? I just feel real shitty about this whole thing and I really just want to make this better.”

 

“But.. why? I mean, you don’t even know me. I’m just the guy who attracts really unfortunate situations. And I mean.. you apologized and now you can move on with your life knowing that you’re a good person for admitting you were wrong.”

 

He’ll be the first one to admit that the idea of Fili wanting to try and make anything up to him terrified him. He’s had more than one dream about the firefighter before him, very lovely ones that make him want to blush just from thinking about them. So the thought of Fili actually trying to interact with him freaks him the hell out, and it’s easier to just want to push him away than anything else.

 

“Because it doesn’t make me feel better knowing I apologized. It doesn’t make anything that I did okay. It doesn’t fix things and I just.. I owe you. I really do, Kili, because you didn’t do anything wrong and I know I made you feel like shit. I just... I want the chance to make it up to you.”

 

Those bright blue eyes are staring him down and it makes him squirm; having that much attention on himself makes him feel wide and vulnerable and he’s not sure that he likes it. Looking away, he runs fingers through his hair and tries to think of what to say, but he just doesn’t know. There are a lot of things that could be said, nice things, mean things, passive aggressive things, many kinds of things but the thing that comes out is:

 

“Well the elevator in my building is still broken so if you want to volunteer to fireman carry me up five flights of stairs everyday, that’d be pretty cool.”

 

The laughter that fills the coffee shop is one of the most beautiful sounds he has ever heard and it is _not_ okay because Fili is _perfect_ and it’s going to drive him crazy. Especially if he wants to try and “make things up to him”.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to disappear from work that often to carry you, sorry,” Fili smiles.

 

“Do you work a lot?” He figures that it’s a safe enough question and a safe enough topic for that matter.

 

“It depends on how you look at it I guess. I work twenty-four hour shifts, and then I get forty-eight off, so on and so forth. But if I want, I can pick up extra shifts, so I can work a forty-eight if I want to, I just have to get someone to buddy up with me so we can watch out for each other. Or I can just pick up a shortened shift, it all depends on if I can get approval from my Battalion Chief, Dwalin. ”

 

“So basically you’re a workaholic that picks up a ton of extra shifts?”

 

Fingers run through blond hair and Fili flickers a little smile, taking a sip of his coffee before he answers.

 

“I suppose you could say that.”

 

“How does your family feel about that one?”

 

It’s meant to be a joke but the look that enters Fili’s eyes lets him know that he’s hit something close to home. Something deep, dark, and hurtful that’s close to the surface. Part of him wishes that he could take it back, seeing the way that Fili’s jaw clenches lightly, eyebrows angling only the slightest bit and eyes losing their shine. They’re little things that shouldn’t even mean much but somehow they completely change his entire demeanor.

 

“I’m sorry that was a really invasive question, you totally don’t have to answer that at all, really I’m-“

 

“It’s okay. I just.. haven’t really talked to them much lately. There’s a bit of a feud that’s going on, really. I haven’t spoken to my Uncle in years because he doesn’t approve of my career choice, considering I was supposed to join the family corporation. So my grandfather doesn’t really talk to me either. My mom calls sometimes but that’s really about it. I just.. I work a lot and it’s not very conducive for relationships either. My ex basically gave me an ultimatum of him or my job and.. well I picked the job. It’s not something that I could ever just give up entirely. It’s a part of me… and now I’m just rambling on.”

 

Fili’s smiling again but there’s something tight in his countenance that makes Kili feel like squirming because he didn’t want the blond to feel uncomfortable.

 

“Thanks for answering. You didn’t have to.”

Shoulders shrug and there’s another bright smile shot in his direction and he is completely incapable of being around this guy because all Kili can think about is how badly he wants to reach over and run his fingers through that golden blond hair.

 

“Like I said, I owe you.”

 

After that things seem to loosen up between them. Kili lays curled up on the couch and Fili talks to him. It only lasts for an hour or so, but it’s enough for Kili to learn that Fili is addicted to coffee, has a killer sweet tooth, and he one hundred percent believes in his job. It’s not long that they spend talking, but it’s enough time for Kili to realize that maybe this isn’t an extremely vivid dream and that Fili actually is a really nice guy.

 

But Fili has to go to work so he pulls on his jacket, gives him a small smile and a bye and he’s gone out into the chill winter air. When it’s time for him to be picked up by his escort of the day (Ori), he’s in a bit of a daze and maybe smiling a lot more than he has been the past month or so.

 

“What’s got you in such a good mood?”

 

“Nothing, just had a nice conversation with someone.”

 

Ori gives him a look of disbelief, but he doesn’t offer anything else up.

 

* * *

 

 

The next two weeks go by in a bit of a blur. Kili still feels like his ribs are trying to suffocate his lungs but it’s getting to be manageable. Don’t get him wrong, they still hurt like a bitch and he sheds more than a few tears because he’s frustrated and in pain, but he’s handling it better. It might have to do with the fact that he sees Fili quite often now, weather it be on a day off or a stop before or after work to grab a tray of coffees for the rest of his crew.

 

It’s when he’s getting back into legitimately doing work around the shop that shit hits the fan once more. He shouldn’t be surprised really, what with the past two weeks not holding any major incidents. So he’s picking up dishes from the little tables around the shop, Arwen is on counter, and Faramir is out back baking up some more items for their menu.

 

He brings the plastic bin full of dishes outback and places them in the empty part of the three-compartment sink. Faramir whistles a tune as he works with some kind of dough, the oven preheating with different ingredients placed all around the countertop. Kili doesn’t think anything of it, just takes off his apron and heads towards the bathroom. It’s when he’s finished up and washing his hands that he hears the fire alarm go off. He doesn’t even bother to stop himself from knocking his head gently against the wall because this is _ridiculous_ and he knows for a fact that Fili is on duty right now.

 

Somewhere between hearing the fire alarm and drying off his hands, he made the assumption that it was probably just a burnt pastry or something that smoked a little too much. When he walks into the kitchen, he’s not expecting the flaming inferno that was once the oven. Bright flames lick at the metal of the oven, tendrils slowly spreading along the countertops. Grains of sugar litter the floor and there’s a carton of eggs splattered in oozed smears. Faramir is fighting in the left corner to get the fire extinguisher free and he’s yelling at Kili but it takes him a moment to comprehend because he’s shocked as hell, okay?

 

“Grab the bucket over there and fill it up with water!”

 

He automatically races towards the plastic bucket because he’s still in “what the hell?!” mode and if he doesn’t have to make any big decisions right now, it’s fine by him. Kili fumbles with the sink knobs, fingers not wanting to cooperate and it takes him what feels like forever to finally get the water to come out of the damn faucet. His ribs are aching already and the billowing clouds of smoke are beginning to clog the air. The logical part of his mind is telling him that they should just get the hell out and leave this to the fine men and women who are trained to deal with this shit, but the other part of him doesn’t really want his place of work to burn to the ground.

 

Once the bucket is filled he manages to haul it out of the sink, water sloshing onto the floor and there’s this nagging feeling coming from somewhere in his head, telling him that this is a terrible idea.

 

“Faramir, I don’t think this is a good idea, we should just go outside and wait for-“

 

“Just poor the damn water onto it!”

 

“You pour it onto it! I’m the one with the bad lungs right now and you want me to walk into a flaming inferno because you managed to set the oven on fire!?”

 

Faramir snarls, hair falling out of its tight bun and are they seriously fighting in this kitchen right now? Is he really standing there in a smoke filled room, lungs burning and sweat dripping down the plains of his skin, fingers clenching so tightly onto the plastic that his knuckles are turning white? Pieces of hair are sticking to his face and it’s getting so god damn hot and he doesn’t like the way his chest is beginning to throb and ache.

 

“Kili just do it!”

 

So he walks forward because he wants the clogged feeling in his head to just disappear, fingers clenched around the edges of the bucket and he _knows_ that this is a stupid thing to do but Faramir is yelling at him, his lungs are killing him, and he just wants the oppressive weight on his chest to leave. Muscles bunch and arms swing, water arcing out towards the flames. Brilliant orange explodes in his vision, body twisting as he stumbles back and feels a swathe of agonizing heat spread across his right arm. He falls on his back and feels the air knock out of his lungs, an all to familiar feeling at this point in his life. His next breathe comes with an inhale of smoke that causes his lungs to seize and coughs to wrack through his body.

 

He feels fingers clench onto his arms but there’s an agonizing pain spreading through the right limb and he may or may not scream but he doesn’t even know. All he _does_ know is that Faramir is fucking _dead_ once he’s back on his feet again. He’s pulled out into the hallway and he looks up at Faramir with bleary eyes, allows the stupid idiot to pull him up into a standing position as they make their way out the back of the shop.

 

They’re out in the alleyway and Kili can finally choke in some fresh air. His legs feel weak and he’s shaking like a leaf, eyes watering and his arm is on fucking _fire_ but he refuses to look at it because if he does he’s probably going to blow chunks all over the place because it stings. All he wants is to tear the limb off, to make the ache stop and he’s apparently saying as much out loud because Faramir is talking back to him.

 

“Kili, it’s fine, you’re going to be fine, I’m not cutting your arm off, I know it hurts but it’s going to be fine I swear-“

 

“Oh shut up you moron! I swear to god I’m going to slaughter you, I am going to stick your hand into a bubbling pot of oil because you are the stupidest, most moronic idiot ever and I _hate_ you and will you _please_ just say that you have a knife on you because I would seriously rather cut my fucking arm off then feel this okay?”

 

He may be just a bit delirious and hell yes is he as dramatic as he always is, but there are sirens and yelling and they’re slowly making their way out of the alley and he just wants his arm to fall off right now. Faramir yells and then there’s a firefighter or two racing down the alleyway and one of them is Fili and he just wants to die already because this has been some ridiculous bullshit, okay?

 

“Don’t you dare say a single thing to me right now, so help me god I will _strangle_ you,” Kili hisses. Fili only looks at him with wide eyes, pulls him away from Faramir and half carries him to a nearby ambulance. Arwen is looking on with wide eyes and there’s a crowd gathered around the sidewalk. He knows it’s only a matter of time before Ori shows up and starts freaking out, but for right now he just wants his arm to be cut off.

 

“Fili, do you think you can cut my arm off? We can totally bypass the ambulance and you can just chop my arm off with an axe because it _really_ hurts right now.”

 

“I’m not chopping your arm off with an axe, Kili.”

 

He practically whines at the flat out refusal, goes limp and refuses to help Fili at all because he’s tired and in shock and his arm hurts and he wants to go to sleep because his chest is still aching. Fili sighs and gives him a little glare, picks him up bridal style and carries him the rest of the way to the ambulance.

 

He’s instantly being patted down by EMT’s, they ask him questions and make him blow on a stick to check his oxygen levels, feels them take his blood pressure and goes white as a sheet and starts whimpering as soon as they begin to touch the tender skin of his burn. Fili looks on silently but there’s this look in his eyes that Kili can’t quite decipher. All he knows is that they want him to go to the hospital and he doesn’t want a damn thing to do with it.

 

“Sir, you need to go to the hospital so this can be properly treated. With your preexisting rib breaks and the addition of smoke inhalation, you need to be checked out to make sure that no damage was done. You could be more susceptible to-“

 

“I don’t care, I’m not going! I’m refusing treatment, you’re not making me go anywhere!”

 

He’s tired of doctors and being afraid and stressed and tired. He’s sick of being pushed around from specialist to specialist and being surrounded by people that he doesn’t know, waiting to hear from his friends because there’s no one else. And he’s entitled to that, isn’t he? He’s cold and shivery and he just wants to sleep and this is the second near death experience that he’s had and he doesn’t want to be with people that he doesn’t even know.

 

“Will you go to the hospital if I come with you?”

 

Fili is watching him with worried blue eyes, brows furrowed and fingers gently curled around one of Kili’s hands. He hadn’t even noticed.

 

“But you’re working and-“

 

“I’ll talk to Dwalin. He’ll let me go if I ask, as long as I come back. It'll be fine.”

 

Kili doesn’t get a chance to protest beyond that because Fili is walking away to Dwalin, their lips moving and arms gesturing whilst the rest of the crew does their business with getting the fire under control. Faramir is at a different ambulance looking forlorn and sending Kili guilty glances every few minutes. He’s so lost in his head that he doesn’t even notice the needle that gets stuck into his arm, eyes going wide when he looks down and sees it being taped over, a bag of fluids attached.

 

He opens his mouth to say something but by that time Fili is back and stripping out of the top half of his uniform. The blond doesn’t say anything as he drapes his heavy jacket over Kili’s shoulders; he sits down in an empty seat and motions for the EMT’s and paramedic to get back into the ambulance.

 

“You should lay down and let them do their job, Kili.”

 

If he were at his best he’d probably have some kind of snarky comment to say, but the rush of adrenaline is starting to wear off. Waves of exhaustion are crashing over him and he’s finally starting to truly comprehend the pain and heat that’s stemming from his arm. So he allows himself to be gently pushed down so that he’s lying on his back, lets them look over his arm as he tries not to freak out from how much the damn thing hurts.

 

Fili doesn’t say anything, just watches him carefully and lets Kili squeeze his hand hard enough to probably dislocate a few fingers. The hospital isn’t that far away and they roll him out on the gurney even though he tries to tell them that he can walk, he’s fine. They won’t listen to him though, and neither will Fili.

 

It’s when he’s set up in a room and the nurses are treating his wound that Fili starts talking to him, asking soft questions that Kili doesn’t really want to answer because he knows that he was an idiot. Again.

 

“What happened?”

 

“I don’t know how it started. I just know that Faramir was cooking and I was in the bathroom when the alarm went off. So I went into the kitchen because I thought he probably just burnt something, but the oven was a flaming inferno and I kind of freaked out a bit.”

 

“What did you do after that?”

 

“Faramir was trying to get the fire extinguisher and he told me to grab some water to try and put it out, and I _told_ him it was a bad idea and that we should just get out but he didn’t want to. I know it was stupid, but I guess I was just.. I wasn’t thinking straight? It was really smoky and my chest hurt and I did not want to be there at all and Faramir was yelling at me. I told him I didn’t want to do it, that he should, because of the whole ribs thing but it just.. I threw the bucket of water onto it, and it was an absolutely terrible idea. Seriously, my life flashed before my eyes and I was totally convinced I was going to get engulfed.”

 

Fili doesn’t say anything for a moment, a composed look on his face and eyes looking carefully down at his hands. A nurse continues to gently clean his burn but he can’t really feel it all that much because they gave him a nice painkiller as soon as he got to the hospital.

 

“It was a grease fire. Because the water’s heavier than the oil it sinks to the bottom of whatever’s heated. The water basically goes superheated and the force of the steam causes the burning oil to move up and out. It turns it into a fireball. It’s how you got burned.”

 

“Oh. I uhm.. I didn’t know that.”

 

Fili does look up at that, eyebrows rose up the tiniest bit and he seems completely unsurprised. He can’t stop his cheeks from flushing and more than anything, he wants for Fili to not think that he’s an idiot. But Kili himself knows that he is an idiot, even though this was more or less Faramir’s fault.

 

“It happens. I’m just glad it was only a single burn you got... It could have been a lot worse.”

 

“Maybe my lucks getting better.”

 

Fili snorts, lips twitching a little into a ghost of a smile.

 

“I wouldn’t say your luck is getting better at all, Kili. You were involved with another fire, and you got hurt again.”

 

“Well my luck is shifting at least! It’s not as bad as getting hit by a car!”

 

He wants to fold his arms across his chest but he obviously can’t. So he puts on a grumpy face and Fili does actually smile, fingers of his free hand sweeping through his hair. He silently un-entwines his other hand from Kili’s grasp, looks at his fingers as he flexes them a few times. Another wave of heat stains Kili’s cheeks because he hadn’t meant to hold on so tight.

 

“I suppose that’s one way you can look at it.”

 

Fingers curl back around his own, and Kili is more than a little surprised that Fili would willingly give up his hand to him again. Questioning it isn’t something that he’s willing to do, though, for many reasons. Through his recent interactions with Fili he’s come to realize how beautiful and sweet of a man that he is. And it’s made him realize that he has more than a little crush on him and he’s not going to question the hand holding because it makes him feel warm and tingly in a good way for once. He’s indulging his crush on Fili and it’s something that he is totally all for right now. He’s allowed nice things, isn’t he?

 

So they sit there for a few minutes in companionable silence; that is until Ori shows up, along with Gimli, Pippin, and Merry. All of them are shouting and loud and it’s a bit of a jolt to his system because it’s been so quiet in the room.

 

“Well Kili, this is really a theme that needs to stop reoccurring,” Pippin smiles. Merry elbows him in the side, hisses at him.

 

“It isn’t funny, Pip!”

 

The others obviously agree with Merry. It turns into a ruckus and it takes them all a few minutes to realize that Fili is sitting next to him with a small smile on his lips. Ori, being the angry little friend that he is, instantly goes on attack mode and gives Fili what can only be called a glare of death.

 

“Leave him alone, Ori. It’s fine.”

 

“But-“

 

“No!”

 

Ori grumbles and glares, but he doesn’t say anything. Thank god for small favors. It only takes a few moments for the rest of them to turn into various degrees of anger and outrage. All they know of Fili are the first few angry interactions that they had. They didn’t realize that things were different now.

 

“I guess this is my cue to leave. Take care, Kili. I’ll see you around.”

 

Fili gives his hand a light squeeze, grabs his jacket and leaves the room. He’s so caught up in the whirlwind of action that has entered his room and the sudden changes in atmosphere that he doesn’t even manage to say goodbye. Ori and the rest instantly want to find out what exactly had happened this time around, but he’s still trying to pull his mind away from the fact that Fili was gone and he totally hadn’t been ready for him to leave. It feels so fleeting, and it doesn’t sit well with him on any level.

 

He might be right to feel that way.

 

* * *

 

 

The three weeks that it takes for Gandalf’s shop to be fixed up absolutely kills him. Not only does he now have an inordinate amount of free time, he doesn’t have anywhere to go that he knows for a fact he’ll see Fili. It’s more than a little sad, how desperate he is to see the blond again. Every time he goes out he looks for Fili’s face, searches for long golden hair and bright blue eyes. He’s not desperate enough to troll around the firehouse, not when he’s never been around there before. The last thing Kili wants is to come off like some kind of creepy stalker college student. Even though he will admit that he has a _slight_ inclination to totally creep around that area because he could have a legitimate reason, right? It’s not that far out of the way and he could say that he was looking for a new coffee shop for the moment? That wouldn’t be far-fetched, right?

 

It’s far-fetched. He knows it.

 

So when the shop opens up again he’s excited for a multitude of reasons. Granted, seeing Fili again is a major reason, but there are other smaller ones as well that add up. Of course reopening day is an absolute nightmare of business, every regular finding the need to pop in and get something. He’s been working the counter for about four hours when his co-worker Aragorn comes in to relieve him. It’s a short shift but he’s more than happy to be done because he has to write a five-page paper on the creation of surrealism for that art class that he’s in. Kili doesn’t do art, he doesn’t understand art, and he is taking this class as a requirement because he’d like to actually graduate.

 

He doesn’t bother heading back to the apartment because he knows Ori and the others are probably playing Mario Kart again. The coffee shop offers a nice hum of background noise, but not one that will completely distract him. He likes the smell of coffee beans, anyways. So he finds a couch with a table in front of it, sets up his shit and toes off his shoes so that he can curl up into the corner.

 

There’s a steaming cup of pumpkin spice coffee to his left, his laptop set up in front of him, and a stack of books he grabbed from the library all spread out and opened to different pages all around. There are papers holding line after line of notes, and he’s more than a little frazzled by it. Reading glasses are shoved up onto his nose and there’s ink splatter smeared across his hands but he’s not even aware of it because he’s so tuned into the research that he’s doing.

 

It’s a bit of a shock then, when he feels a hand touch his shoulder and he’s not going to deny that he totally yelps and flails backwards like a spastic animal. Fili’s there with a wide smile on his face, fingers curling in a little wave as he pulls up an armchair and sits down across from him.

 

“Jumpy much?”

 

“You just scared the shit out of me! That’s not even fair!”

 

“Hey, I said your name twice. You’re just too studious right now that you didn’t hear me. I like the glasses, by the way.”

 

Kili feels his cheeks go a little pink at the compliment and he feels flustered now, so he reaches for his coffee and takes a long sip because maybe that will help hide his reaction to Fili’s words. Words that are a totally innocent observation that Kili is overthinking. He shouldn’t feel flustered or anything because Fili is just an acquaintance.. friend.. thing?

 

“How’s your arm?”

 

Kili pushes his long sleeve up and twists his arm around so that Fili can take a look. The skin is rippled and a pinkish color, but it’s healed up quite nicely, considering. Not that he’d know; he hasn’t met many people that have ever had a burn like his.

 

“A lot better. I’ll have a nice scar from it, obviously, but I think it looks pretty decent considering. Not that I’d really know, actually. Is it healing right? I’m sure you’ve been burnt before? Oh god, did that just come out sounding really insensitive? I didn’t mean for it to come out that way, sometimes my mouth just goes and I don’t filter it all that well and-“

 

“Kili, you’re fine.”

 

Fili’s laughing and Kili doesn’t even care because he’ll take laughter over Fili being affronted by his words. He watches with wide eyes as Fili shrugs off his coat, continues on to pull up the fabric of his shirt to expose a muscled stomach and chest that Kili is _never_ going to be able to erase from his store of mental images. It takes him a minute to stop staring in awe at the well-defined muscles, his eyes zeroing in on what Fili was actually trying to show him in the first place.

 

On the left side of his stomach, wrapping around the curve of his hip, is a pink white scar that stands out against the natural tone of Fili’s skin. The skin looks a little rippled, but it’s obviously an old scar, not fresh like Kili’s.

 

“Looks just fine to me.”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

It’s all he can really manage to get out because he’s still a little dazed at seeing Fili’s stomach. He’s only 21 years old, he’s young and virile and it’s been a while since he got laid and Fili is hot as fuck; that’s something that he’s already established in his mind. But seeing those abs and that skin, it was a tease and he really, really needed to stop his train of thought _right_ now.

 

He doesn’t really stop looking until Fili drops his shirt back down, and at that point Kili is more than a little nervous to meet his gaze because it’s pretty obvious that he was checking him out. There’s no hiding the flush on his cheeks this time around, and for once in his life he doesn’t really have much to say because he’s _really_ embarrassed about this situation.

 

It takes a few minutes for him to look up shyly, stomach twisted up in knots because he isn’t sure what kind of expression he’ll find on Fili’s face. Biting his lip, he tilts his head up slowly, taking in the look gracing the plains of Fili’s face. His lips are quirked up in a now familiar smile, cheeks dimpling and eyes glittering with a knowing look. Bright blush that had subsided now flares up again because he doesn’t know what to think anymore, he’s not good at this kind of stuff and all he wants to do is grab his stuff and slink away.

 

“I feel like I’m always trying to figure out what’s going on in your head. I can tell there’s always so much going on in there and I’m never getting even a quarter of it.”

 

“No I overthink everything and it’s terrible, I hate it so much because it just never stops and I go around and around in my head with all kinds of scenarios and ideas and it’s honestly just a really, really big mess.”

 

“Maybe it’s not a mess. Just beautiful chaos.”

 

He’s not sure what he’s supposed to say to that and he has about 5,000 things going through his mind right now. Fili only smiles, watches him with clear eyes as he leans forward and picks up his own coffee, takes a small sip and places it back down. There are so many things that he wants to say but he doesn’t know how to express them in any way, shape or form. Which is saying something because words are his thing, he’s good with them, or so he’d like to think. But when Fili looks at him he seems to lose all grasp on the English language and it is _not_ something that he likes at _all_.

 

“I have no idea how to act around you, and it really scares me” he blurts out. And goddamn he is blushing _again_ and it’s killing him, it really is because he wants Fili to like him and not think of him as a kid and that’s all he feels like right now.

 

“You don’t have to be scared around me. And if you freak out a little too much, I am CPR certified, so there’s always that.”

 

His brain has short-circuited. It is full of electrified currents that skitter through his neurons and cause misfires because that’s the only possible reason behind his next response.

 

“Sounds like you’re just trying to make an excuse to put your lips on mine.”

 

“Maybe it is.”

 

And that’s how Kili finds himself wanting to both simultaneously jump over the coffee table and melt into the couch because he’s not sure how he should feel about this because they’re _flirting_. Fili wants to kiss him, at least that’s what Kili has got out of the conversation and he just doesn’t know what the hell he’s supposed to do with that because if you asked him two months ago he would tell you that there was no way in _hell_ that he’d ever be in this situation right now.

 

But he is in this situation, and he’s frozen in place and Fili is just smiling at him with a fond little look and knowing eyes and he feels like a deer in headlights. Would it be to forward of him to just crawl over the damn table and start making out with him in the middle of the coffee shop? Because that’s kind of really what he wants to do right now and-

 

And Fili is coming around the table and sitting down next to him, warmth exuding off of his skin and he smells like a mixture of smoke and cinnamon and his eyes are so blue and soft and he’s looking straight into Kili’s and he wants to write poems about those eyes but the words are fleeting and disappear as quick as they entered his head in the first place.

 

“Can I?”

 

He manages a breathless little yes, feels work calloused hands glide against his cheeks and tangle into his loose falling hair. Eyes snap shut because he’s a cliché and he leans forward, feels his lips graze against Fili’s and it’s like there’s electric currents flowing through his skin. It’s a soft slide of lips, gentle movements that make Kili’s heart ache. Fingers travel to Fili’s sides and he allows himself to grip onto the muscled area, sigh escaping his mouth when Fili licks at the seam of his lips. It stays just as soft and slow, tongues licking leisurely into mouths and fingers trailing easily against one another.

 

“Oi! Get a room!”

He wants to yell at whoever it is to shut the hell up, because this kiss has been a long time coming in Kili’s opinion. But this is his work place, so that might not be the best idea in the entire world. Pulling away reluctantly, he looks at Fili with dazed eyes, lips red and a little swollen. He wants nothing more than to curl up close and warm against Fili, to tangle his hands in golden hair and burrow his face against his neck and breathe in his smoky scent. Kili doesn’t know where this is going, doesn’t know what Fili wants and it certainly freaks him out. He’s always been an all in or out kind of guy, but who’s to say that Fili is?

 

“You should take me to dinner,” Kili smiles, half shocked that he actually said what he had been thinking but also quite happy that he did. Blue eyes twinkle and god _damn_ he wanted to lick those dimples, and he’s trying his hardest to not let that show on his face.

 

“Oh really now? And why should I be the one taking you to dinner, hm? Why can’t you take me?”

 

“Because you’re the big strong working man and _I_ am just a broke ass college student.”

 

Playing it up seems like the best idea, and he wants for Fili to be serious but he isn’t really sure if he’s just going along with him just because. The thought of him being serious about any of this just doesn’t make sense to Kili because… well.. he’s just Kili. There isn’t anything special about him at all, he doesn’t have any family, he’s working on a degree that everyone tells him is useless, and he’s just that guy who always seems to attract bad situations. And Fili? Well Fili is gorgeous and he has a job that’s actually helping people. He’s always so smiley and Kili just really, really isn’t. He’s moody and he knows he can be a complete brat, and, most importantly, to reiterate once more, he is an absolute klutz.

 

“I have to be to work in half an hour, so I can’t tonight. But I’ll be free tomorrow night.”

 

Shock would probably be a bit of an understatement of what he’s feeling right now. Dumbfounded is more like it. Because seriously? Him? For real? But Fili is looking at him with serious blue eyes, small smile on his face and body completely relaxed against his own. Kili’s just trying to keep it together, to not start talking a mile a minute like he usually does in situations like these. That’s the last thing Fili would want to deal with; a hyperactive, jittery, insecure fuck.

 

“Are you su-“

 

“Of course I’m sure. So we can meet here? Or where you live, since I know where that is too?”

 

“Oh shutup,” Kili grumbles, shoving Fili lightly at his joking tone of voice.

 

“Is six-thirty okay? Or would seven be better? I’m not sure if you’re working or not tomorrow.”

 

“Six-thirty’s fine. I’ll make Faramir cover my shift. As for where to meet up, I don’t really mind either way. I guess it depends on where you want to go?”

 

“Well, is there anything you don’t like?”

 

Kili snorts.

 

“Dude, I’m a college student. I will eat absolutely anything that’s put in front of me.”

 

“There’s a nice little pizzeria a few blocks away. We’ll go there? Make sure you wrap up though, it’s supposed to be freezing tomorrow and knowing you, you’ll manage to get pneumonia or something.”

 

“Hey!”

 

Hands swat gently at Fili, mock scowl on his face. But there’s a soft warmth flowing inside his chest at the thought that Fili cares enough to worry about his run-ins with disaster. There’s nothing that he wants more than to stay inside the warmth of the coffee shop; to be curled up against Fili, spreading kisses across the plains of his face, lips dragging across golden whiskers. But he doesn’t know if Fili would be okay with that just yet, and it’s not like they have time to do so anyways.

 

“What are you thinking about?”

 

“Uhm, truthfully? I’m uh.. thinking about how much I wish I could make out with you for like, the next five hours. So, yeah.”

 

Shoulders shrug and his face might be slightly pink, and he’s not really looking at Fili because he’s embarrassed. There’s a part of him that still doesn’t believe that this is actually happening, that Fili is sitting so close to him, fingers trailing up and down his arm and little smile gracing his face.

 

“Play your cards right and maybe I’ll let you kiss me some more tomorrow.”

 

“I- you’re- don’t say things like that to me! You’re going to feed my imagination and I- never mind. Just- you go do your work thing and I will sit here by myself trying desperately to focus on this damn essay.”

 

Fili’s head is thrown back, golden cascade of hair falling as he laughs, eyes crinkling shut and fingers squeezing gently at Kili’s arm. Of course he’s flushed and trying desperately to keep his thoughts clean, but it’s not working out all that well for him, especially when Fili turns to look at him with those bright blue eyes, heated, knowing look simmering deep down. Throat going dry, he tries to swallow, but there are swathes of heat coursing all along his skin now and he’s caught like a fly in Fili’s gaze.

 

“Here,” Fili smiles, reaches out and grabs one of Kili’s pens off of the table. Rough fingers gently unfold his own, twisting his hand so that his palm faces up. The pen is uncapped, cold nub of metal pressing against soft skin to scrawl out inky numbers.

 

“Text me.”

 

“’Kay.”

 

He gets a light peck on the lips, soft movement of a hand against his cheek and a slow smile before Fili is standing up and pulling his coat back on.

 

“See you tomorrow, Kili.”

 

“Yeah, see you tomorrow.”

 

Fili leaves and Kili just sits there with his fingers grazing lightly against the skin of his lips.

 

He’s so fucking gone.

 

* * *

 

 

Kili still isn’t really sure how the hell he got here; walking down the sidewalk with Fili’s hand clutched in his own, bright smile splashed across his face and body bundled up nice and cozy to keep him warm. When Fili had seen his lack of a scarf, he’d taken his own off and wrapped it around Kili without a second thought. Protesting didn’t make a difference, not with Fili being so adamant about Kili not getting sick.

 

He’d made the mistake of telling Ori about his budding relationship with Fili when he’d got back from the coffee shop the other night. His friend was half furious half excited about the whole thing, and now he wouldn’t stop texting Kili every five seconds. Shutting his phone off is the only option he has because he can’t handle the vibrations going off in his coat pocket every five seconds.

 

“Nosy friends?”

 

“Nah, Ori’s just being Ori. Overprotective and all that.”

 

“I guess I don’t really blame him, considering.” Fili gives him a rueful little look. It bothers him, because he wants nothing more than to put the past in the past. He tells him as much, and after that things relax again.

 

And he has a blast. The Pizzeria is a cozy little place, golden crisp scent of crust wafting and mixing with tomato and oregano. They spend a few hours talking and laughing with one another, trading little tidbits of information back and forth. The pizza they had ordered is long gone, greasy splotches marring the paper plates in front of them and crumpled napkins littering the tabletop. He’s trying to pay attention to what Fili is saying, but he’s having a hell of a time doing so.

To be honest, he’s being a damn cliché _again_. He can’t take his eyes off of Fili’s smile, the way his dimples curl into his cheeks, the laughter lines that crinkle at the corners of his eyes. He wants nothing more than to lean across the table at this moment, to nip and lick at those teasing dimples until they are red and raw. There’s a curl of heat spreading itself out through his body, and he needs to clear his head because all he’s imagining is what it would be like to slip Fili’s shirt off, to run his fingers along hard muscle and-

 

“Kili?”

 

Fili pulls him from his thoughts, somewhat reluctantly, wanting to hold onto his daydreams of public displays of indecency.

 

“Uh-huh?”

 

“You’re doing that thing again.”

 

“What thing?”

 

“You know exactly what thing. That look you get when you’re mentally undressing me.”

 

Fili doesn’t even bat an eye, takes a sip of water and Kili is _dying_ right now. Heat curls up along his cheeks and he’s more than positive that they must be the brightest red that Fili has ever seen in his life. Brown eyes are as wide as a deers and his mouth is open in a small oh. He’s trying to stutter out a response but Fili is just looking at him with raised brows, tiny smile gracing his lips.

 

“I- I’m, I’m not-“

 

“You’re a terrible lier Kili, honestly. Lucky for you, I like you, and I’m flattered.”

 

“Guess I shouldn’t have tried to deny that one, huh?”

 

The words come out as a shy mumble because he’s admitting that okay, yes, he was having very suggestive thoughts about Fili in that moment. But can he really be blamed? Fili’s smart and funny and he’s sexy as fuck. He’s beautiful and untouchable, brave and courageous and he wants to fuck Fili more than anything; Kili is horny and he hasn’t been with anyone in a long ass time. All he wants is to be inside of the blond, but he can’t exactly voice that out loud because he doesn’t want to fuck this up. He really, _really_ likes Fili and he’s willing to do whatever he can to make sure that he’s the only one who gets to be with him.

 

“Probably not. Lucky for you, I’m in an extremely forgiving mood. But I think you owe me a favor for being so gracious.”

 

“I don’t think it counts as forgiveness if you’re blackmailing me with it,” Kili smiles.

 

“Maybe not. I guess I just want an excuse to try and get you to agree to go out with me again.”

 

“Are you serious? Fili, all joking aside, I’d agree to go out with you again for the mere fact that you’re funny and nice, and also really, _really_ good looking. Not to make it sound like I’m just interested because you’re hot as fuck! I mean, you’re super smart and brave as well and-“

 

“You’re a spaz, you know that?” There’s a fond smile on Fili’s face, and Kili’s just so ready to curl up and make out with Fili for an eternity.

 

“Wanna come back to my place and watch a movie?” Kili stumbles over the words and then he flushes because there’s totally a hidden suggestion in those words, one that he hadn’t meant to make.

“And that’s totally not code for anything else! I’m not that forward and Ori’s definitely home and-“

 

“I’d love to come over and watch a movie with you Kili.”

 

So that’s how Kili finds himself entering his building _with_ Fili for once, fingers laced together and small smiles being exchanged as they ride up the elevator. When they reach the fifth floor and step off the elevator, Kili can’t stop the smug look that spreads across his face. A few of his fellow residents who had been so graciously rude to him after the first fire alarm are of course waiting to gain access to the elevator. It takes a moment for them to comprehend who Kili is with, but when they do, it is completely worth it to see the looks of shock on their faces. Lucky for them, he isn’t one to dither around and gloat. Instead he guides Fili down the hallway towards apartment 515.

 

Ori is home so the door is unlocked, which is something that Kili is thankful for. He always drops his keys whenever he tries to open the damn thing, and he really doesn’t want to give Fili any reasons to rethink this whole thing. Alas, opening the door and stepping into the apartment brings on an entirely different reason to rethink whatever they have going on, and it comes in the form of one best friend.

 

“Killian Warren Oakenshield! You evil little shit, how _dare_ you ignore my text messages just so you can get some ass from your walking fire extinguisher! You can’t just- oh. Hello.”

 

Ori freezes as he comes around the corner from their teeny tiny ‘living room’ area, phone clutched in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. Horror is slithering it’s way up through Kili’s entire being because hello, no need to share his middle name for one, and two, _walkig fire extinguisher!?_ Really!? Fili must be ready to open the door and scram, and Kili would totally do nothing to stop him if he wanted to because holy hell!

 

“Hi Ori. The walking fire extinguisher is happy to formally meet you.”

Kili is watching the interaction with wide eyes, taking in the smile that’s splayed across Fili’s face and the complete lack of remorse that Ori is now showing. The sassy little bastard swings his arm out towards the living room, a slightly sarcastic smile gracing his slightly freckled face.

 

“Glad to make your acquaintance, Fili the fire extinguisher. It’ll be nice to have you around for the next time Kili decides to burn the place down. Now I’ll be watching my show in the living room, and you two can do whatever you want that doesn’t involve any sounds that are likely to make me want to commit mass homicide. Comprende?”

 

“I think we can manage that.”

 

“Good to know. Now away, love birds, I refuse to miss this episode of Sons of Anarchy.”

 

Ori practically sashays out of the damn room and Kili is ready, once more, to die. He can’t even look at Fili because he is riding a wave of horror and embarrassment that is threatening to make him throw up his dinner. There isn’t an ounce of heat left in his body because it has all rushed away to leave him feeling icy cold and holy shit he’s going to _kill_ Ori.

 

“He’s quite the character.”

 

His head nods slowly but he doesn’t look at Fili; he’s kind of really super fucking horrified still and he doesn’t know what to say or do right now because just… no. Just no. There isn’t a single part of him that can deal with any more emotional turmoil and strain and that is _exactly_ what he’s feeling right now.

 

“Kili, stop freaking out. I’m not going anywhere and you totally have a get the hell out of dodge look on your face.”

 

Kili would like to believe, would like to be able to actually muster the courage to even look at him to see if he’s telling the truth, but he’s seriously just frozen in shock. He doesn’t do well with unexpected changes and actions, which is ironic considering he’s usually the cause of most of the unexpected shit that happens to him. So he just _stands_ there, and there’s a voice in his head telling him that he’s acting like a freak right now but he’s having a really fucking huge “I can’t” moment that he’s apparently unable to get over.

 

That is, he’s not able to get over it until there’s a set of fingers easing the beanie off of his head, then moving on to gently untangle his borrowed scarf from around his neck. It’s a jolt to his system because he’s not expecting the touches, full body twitch coursing through him as he turns to look at Fili. He’s not met with an angry expression or unhappy looks; he’s met with a soft smile and the ghost of dimples upon cheeks.

 

Embarrassment starts to slowly float away as Fili continues to murmur softly to him, eases him out of his coat and gets him to toe off his shoes. Somehow he finds himself relaxing, Fili’s soft words and light touches doing wonders to get his frayed nerves to settle down.

 

“Come on, show me your room and we can watch that movie.”

 

“Kay.”

 

He hadn’t really been planning on anyone being in his room anytime soon, so it’s actually a bit messy at the moment. Clothes are strewn out around the floor and he has a small stack of dirty dishes on his little desk. There are a bunch of school papers all about, his bed has about five different textbooks spread open on it, and his collection of beanies are in a pile at the end of his mattress.

 

“Sorry it’s so messy, I haven’t really been doing all that well with the whole cleaning thing lately.”

 

Fili doesn’t say anything, just nods his head and looks around, and that causes an entirely new level of nervousness to flow through Kili. The level of scrutiny that Fili is directing at his room is starting to make him feel painfully self-conscious of his possessions; his boxed set of Harry Potter movies, his stack of Jane Austen books and his collection of Pop! Figurines that stand on a shelf. A part of him thinks that maybe this was a really big mistake, inviting Fili over. It’s pretty obvious that he’s kind of a really huge loser from all of his personal possessions, and Fili could seriously do _so_ much better than him.

 

“They have a Cogsworth one of these? For real? Is there a Lumiere one as well? Beauty and The Beast was my shit when I was a little kid.”

 

He laughs in half amusement, half in disbelief. The idea that Fili has at any point loved Disney just completely astounds him.

 

“Yeah, there is. I haven’t go him yet though.. paying the bills is a bit more important that a stupid toy collection..”

 

“Oh don’t say that! I think it’s cute. And everyone has things they like to collect. I totally have a Ninja Turtle Collection that I started when I was three. You seriously wouldn’t believe the amount of stuff I have, it’s crazy. All my friends like to give me shit about it, too.”

 

“Ninja Turtles? Why them out of everything?”

 

Fingers tug through blond hair, and Fili turns and smiles at him. His shoulders shrug, and he laughs just the tiniest bit.

 

“Dunno. Guess I always liked the idea that you can come from anywhere and be anyone, but you can still be a hero. It doesn’t matter who you are as long as you’re willing to do what needs to be done. It’s just always kind of stuck with me.”

 

“That… is really, really deep for a kids cartoon.”

 

“I try.”

 

Head shakes in amusement, snort of laughter escaping as the tension slowly eases out of his body. Instead of being completely disabled by anxiety, he has decided that he’ll grab his textbooks and put them on his desk at the very least. The pile must be at least twenty pounds because there are at least two encyclopedia-sized books in his arms, and he doesn’t waste anytime in setting them down.

 

When he turns back around, it’s to find that Fili is now sitting on the end of his bed, hands slowly picking through his pile of beanies. He’s a little surprised by the act, and more than a little pink around the ears when Fili picks up a knitted emerald green one and pulls it over his streaming hair.

 

“How do I look? Does it bring out the color of my eyes?”

 

Golden lashes batt and it’s not _fair,_ the teasing demure look that Fili is focusing in on him. It does _things_ to him, like making him really fucking turned on because that’s his hat and Fili is sitting on his bed and just.. _Fili._

 

“You’re a tease, you know that?”

 

“Gunna do anything about it?”

 

“Fili!”

 

“What?” No one should be able to pass off looking that innocent, but Fili does it like it’s absolutely nothing and it slays him, it really honestly does. He could spend hours telling himself why he and Fili should take things slow, but honestly, he doesn’t even care at this point. How he feels about the blond is one of the most self-assured feelings that he has had in a damn long time.

 

It takes him maybe three steps to walk to Fili, head leaning down as fingers thread through golden strands and lips crash together. It’s not anything like the kiss in the coffee shop. This kiss is _hungry_ , full of harsh mouths that bite and suck, teeth nibbling at plush mounds and tongues snaking out to lick voraciously into warm, wet mouths. Fingers curl around his hips, pull him down so that he’s straddling Fili’s lap, and he can’t stop the sharp gasp that escapes, not when he’s aligned chest to chest to the perfect warmth that is Fili.

 

It’s all down hill from there, all thoughts of Ori being in the other room completely flying out the proverbial window. Hips grind slow and sensual against one another, soft sounds escaping parted lips, fingers digging into skin and mouths devouring with harsh grunts and moans. Kili can’t stop himself from letting his mouth wander, teeth grazing the spot where one of Fili’s dimples likes to appear. Whiskered skin grazes his tongue somewhat painfully as he licks at the area, teeth nibbling softly and Fili is moaning beneath him, fingers running beneath the hem of his shirt to touch heated skin.

 

Throat is bared as Kili tips his head back, Fili’s warm lips moving to graze across the skin of his neck and he can’t help but to moan. A hand is pressed against his lower back, guiding his hips to roll against Fili’s, the other traveling up his shirt to graze fingers against his already pebbled nipples. Slow whimper escapes when a calloused thumb rubs eagerly against a sensitive peak, hips rolling down a little harder than he intended from surprise.

 

Lips detach from the column of his throat as Fili grunts, hard bulge in his jeans rolling up against Kili’s own and this heated grinding is enough to make Kili want to come. But he doesn’t want that, doesn’t want to come just yet, and he certainly doesn’t want Fili’s straining cock to spray pearly liquid in the confines of his jeans. He wants _more._

 

“Can I suck you off Fee?”

 

Soft breath exhales against his ear, lips placing a little kiss against his temple, fingers edging slowly around his nipple. Soft rolling of hips doesn’t stop.

 

“You don’t have to.”

 

“I _want_ to.”

 

“Okay.”

 

It takes Kili mere moments to slide down Fili’s body and onto the floor, hands eagerly pulling at his belt and jeans so that he can finally get his hands on Fili. It only takes a little bit of maneuvering, wiggle of hips and slide of cloth before Kili’s eyes are greeted with the sight of Fili’s cock. It’s brilliant, thick and shorter than his own, glistening at the head with little dribbles of pre-come. Kili wants nothing more than to place little kisses against the tip; to feel sticky strings of come attach to his lips as he pulls away from the red tinted length.

 

“Kee.”

 

The little term of endearment is enough to spur Kili on. Fingers wrap gently around the base of Fili’s straining cock, hand pumping smoothly up and down to get a feel for the burning length. Fili seems to be enjoying the movements well enough, stuttered exhale escaping as hands move to gently grip at his shoulders. Hand moves slowly and he knows that he’s not really going to waste any more time stroking, not when he could have Fili’s cock gliding in his mouth. His fingers are sticky with pre-come but he doesn’t honestly care right now, gripping them into his comforter as he guides Fili’s cock into his awaiting mouth. And _fuck,_ the _taste_ of it, salty slick all along the length, little dribble gracing his tongue and the heat of it. Fili is moaning and Kili can’t help himself from doing the same, loving the feeling of his mouth being so full. Lips tighten and soft suction is applied, Kili’s tongue worrying gently over the lovely ridge of Fili’s frenulum. Hands shoot up into his hair, nails digging into his scalp and he _moans,_ practically whimpers around Fili’s length because he’s such a fucking cockslut.

 

“Oh god, that’s right Kili, suck my cock. Lick up all that pre-come s’just for you.”

 

And oh how he does lick, puts his tongue against the slit and edges in and around, teases and teases until Fili is hissing and rolling his hips up, cock sliding further into his mouth and he adores it, loves the slide of heat, the way his mouth is pushed open and his throat is forced to accommodate the hot length that nudges against it. Saliva drips down Fili’s cock, dribbles down his balls and Kili licks and sucks as best as he can, allows Fili’s hands to hold his head in position as the blond fucks into his mouth.

 

“Fuck, Kili I- I-“

 

He doesn’t finish his sentence, just gasps as Kili loosens his throat and goes as far down as he can. Fili jerks, fighting against his gag reflex he gets his throat to relax, bobs up and down and listens to the low grunts and moans that Fili makes. He’s own cock is trapped and leaking, fabric of his briefs sticking uncomfortably but he wants Fili to come, so he ignores the aching length, instead brings his hands up to rap around the base of Fili’s cock, fingers tugging as he sucks and swallows.

 

“I- fuck I’m gunna come Kili, I- I’m-“

 

Fingers squeeze gently at Fili’s tightened sack, mouth bobbing up and down until his lips are wrapped only around the head, soft suction applied and tongue lapping over and over and over the sensitive bundle of nerves at the frenulum. He can feel the way Fili’s entire body tightens and strains, scalp burning from how hard his hair is being pulled but he doesn’t care, not when Fili is moaning so prettily, hips stuttering in rolling movements as a salty bloom of come graces his tongue. And oh, how greedy he is about it, lapping and suckling until he can get every single bit of come out of Fili’s pulsating cock. He holds the thick seed in his mouth for a few moments, enjoys the taste before he swallows it down.

 

It’s only when Fili slips his cock from the warm cavern of Kili’s mouth that the brunet looks to meet Fili’s gaze. His chin is wet with saliva and dribbles of come, lips swollen as hell and he knows he must look completely debauched. And Fili.. Fili watches him with heated blue eyes, lips parted and fingers dragging softly through the tangles of Kili’s hair.

 

“You’re gorgeous, Kili. Absolutely stunning.”

He flushes at the compliment, licks his lips and looks up at Fili with wide blissed out eyes. There’s nothing to say, nothing he _can_ say, because his brain had been blown to bits after having his mouth fucked so nicely. Hands latch onto his arms pulling him up so that Fili can lick at his chin, tongue dragging through the wet mess and it makes him twitch in his pants. It’s not long before they’re kissing again, Fili dominating with hard nips and licks that leave Kili whimpering. He barely manages to stop himself from crying out when he feels a hand massaging at the bulge in his jeans, hips bucking upwards because he needs the friction, is desperate for it.

 

“You’re a needy little thing, aren’t you?”

 

“ _Fili.”_

 

Kili growls out the blonds name with a heated look, eyes narrowed but it’s thrown to hell when Fili hauls him into his lap, presses Kili’s back to his chest and starts to rub at the bulge in his pants in earnest.

 

“Yes, gorgeous?"

 

“I- please!”

 

“Please what?”

 

“I- fuck, you know what!”

 

“Want me to put my hands on that needy cock of yours? Is that what you want?”

 

“Y-yes!” It comes out as a quietly strangled whimper, one that Fili seems to soak up. He doesn’t say anything after that, just hooks his chin onto Kili’s shoulder and makes him lean back further against his chest. Deft fingers undo his belt; pop the button of his jeans and zip down his fly. His skinny jeans cling tightly to his legs, but Fili makes it looks so easy to push them down along with his boxers at his current angle.

 

His cock springs free from its confines, long and slightly thin, with little drips of pre-come bubbling from his slit. Fili practically coos at the site, brushing the side of his finger against the weeping length. Kili can’t help himself from jolting at the touch, Fili instantly wrapping his left arm around his waist, the better to hold him down.

 

“You really are a pretty thing.”

 

Kili flushes from the words, tries to think of a response, but nothing will come to mind. How is he supposed to think of anything at all when he can see Fili’s hand so very near his aching cock? He tries to lift his hips up gently, but Fili only laughs, places a gentle kiss behind his ear as he whispers softly.

 

“Uh-uh, I don’t think so. I’ll help you along in a moment.”

It’s a hell of a lot longer than a moment. Fingers rub at the jut of his hips for long minutes, moving on to the sharp angles of his pelvic bones for an even longer length of time after that. It’s maddening, the way Fili’s rough hands rub ever so gently at the sensitive patches of skin. It makes him shiver and ache, cock leaking steady, sticky trails down his length and into the hairs of his sack.

 

“F-Fee, don’t tease me!” He’s not going to deny how the words come out more as a whimpering plea than a command, and Fili seems to enjoy that immensely.

 

“Want me to touch your cock, Kili? Put my hand around you and make you come?”

 

Words are sultry and hot against the skin of his neck, harsh exhales of breath escaping as he nods his head viciously.

  
“Y-yes!”

 

Hand wraps around his cock and a rough, callused thumb slowly rubs against the smooth, sensitive skin of his cockhead. It’s enough to make him wail; the harsh contrast of Fili’s rough fingers against the sensitive silk of his cock. Bubbles of pre-come bead out of his slit and he’s an absolute quivering mess in Fili’s lap because he’s never ever felt like this before.

 

“Never had a working mans calloused hands on your cock, have you? Nice hard skin to make you tingle, hm?”

 

Kili can’t even speak, can only moan, because Fili’s hand is moving up and down his length in sure strokes, fingers catching at his glans and frenulum with every upstroke. It sounds so slick and wet and all he wants is to moan for all he’s fucking worth but _Ori._ Sweat is slipping down his back, shirt sticking to his skin and he can’t help but to grind back against Fili, trying so hard to not buck wildly into his hand.

 

“I-I-“

 

“Practically moaning like a virgin Kili, really. All I have to do is rub my nice calloused thumb over your slit and you’ll be absolutely bursting for me.”

 

And fuck, he does, he rubs and rubs and it’s fucking rough, the edges of skin dragging and catching at his slit. Kili is squirming and whimpering, tight heat building low in his stomach and he isn’t going to last long, not at all. And Fili just keeps teasing and teasing, finally having mercy after Kili starts begging and pleading with him, promising him anything if only he’ll make him come.

 

Not one to deny, Fili grips Kil firmly in his hand, moves up and down Kili’s length in quick jerks that leave the brunet heaving and moaning for ‘faster!’ and ‘more!’ His fingers are gripping hard into the flesh of the arm Fili has wrapped around him, and he’s completely thrown off guard when the arm slips away quickly, snakes down between his legs as a rough skinned digit strokes against the sensitive patch of skin behind his balls. He fucking loses it.

 

Kili _barely_ manages to choke off his moan, back arching and cock throbbing as lines of come splatter against the fabric of his shirt as well as his thighs. And Fili talks him through it all, whispers hotly in his ear and rubs out every little dribble of come that he has left. His body is post orgasmic bliss, and all he wants is to stay right here in Fili’s lap, even if he’s covered in come and sweat.

 

He only moves when Fili starts to wipe his hand off on Kili’s shirt, a soft little chuckle escaping as he watches.

 

“That’s not a very nice thing to do.”

 

“You can lick it off if you prefer. Either way, my hand is not going to be covered with tacky come.”

 

Fili wiggles his fingers in front of Kili’s face, but the brunet doesn’t take the bait. He slides off of Fili’s lap and takes his shirt off instead. The blond smiles and Kili mirrors the look, feeling highly satisfied and definitely flushed. Because holy _shit_ , that was fucking fabulous and so, so much better than the dreams he’d been having about Fili.

 

He pulls his jeans and briefs off and uses them to wipe the come off of his body. He knows he should probably just take a shower, but he doesn’t want to face Ori for one, and he definitely doesn’t want to leave Fili right now. When he’s done he tosses his clothes into his hamper, moves to get up and find something else to put on, but he’s stopped when strong arms wrap around his waist and tug him down onto the bed.

 

“You can’t go and get dressed until you’ve snuggled with me for at least five minutes. It’s a rule I’m implementing.”

 

Kili only snorts, twists his body around so that he can actually see Fili’s face. Now that his hormones have ebbed away he’s feeling a little self-conscious, but he knows it’s kind of stupid. After all, Fili had been jerking him off not even ten minutes ago. Fili is smiling at him, blue eyes glowing and he just looks so purely and utterly happy.

 

“Is it now?”

 

“Mhm. I need my cuddle time. It’s not everyday I get to be in the same bed as someone as stunning as you.”

 

He shoves at Fili’s arm but doesn’t protest, burrowing his heated face against the curve of Fili’s neck. Soft laughter flows and Kili curls his arms around Fili’s waist, nosing into soft golden hair as he takes in Fili’s familiar scent of smoke.

 

“You’re more stunning than me.”

 

“I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree then, because you, darling, are absolutely gorgeous.”

 

“No, you’re the gorgeous one! You’re like the epitome of sexy Fili, honestly.”

 

“Nah, it’s definitely you.”

 

Cheeks burning bright and grumbling softly, Kili places a short but hard bite on Fili’s neck, pulling away quickly when the blond freezes. That was something to remember for later.

  
“You’re right, we’ll agree to disagree. Do you still want to watch a movie? I know it’s late but.. well I don’t want you to leave? You can borrow some of my clothes and you can totally say no if you want to because this is our first date really and uhm.. yeah?”

 

“I’d love to stay, Kee.”

 

Soft smile that Fili graces him with makes his stomach flutter, his own smile spreading across his face, because how can he not when he’s faced with something as perfect as Fili’s happiness? He pulls out a pair of sweatpants and throws them to Fili, asks him if he wants a shirt but he declines. After he has his own clothes on, he shuffles towards his xbox, turns it on and grabs the controller as well as the tv remote.

 

It takes a little shifting around for them to both get comfortable on the bed, but once they do it’s like being in heaven. Kili is curled on his side, head laid out on Fili’s stomach as he messes around with the controllers. They settle on watching a shitty horror movie and they spend the entire time laughing their ass’s off. And if Kili gets an annoyed text message or five from Ori, he totally ignores them.

 

* * *

 

 

Things are absolutely wonderful after that. Kili continues to go on dates with Fili, and the more he gets to know about him, the more he realizes just how much he gets along with the blond. It only takes a month of dating before he’s meeting Fili’s friends, which mainly consists of his fire crew. Another month after that, they’re facebook official and Kili knows that he is well and absolutely gone for Fili. All he has to do is look up from making a cappuccino at work and see Fili’s face, and his entire day will be made. He’s in love. And it scares the shit out of him.

 

Things were going so good between them, they were happy and they’d even been talking about maybe having an apartment together after a few more months. Fili was his world and Kili was just the moon that circled around, worshipping him with every rotation. It only made sense that things would get fucked up at some point, because that’s just how things went with Kili’s life.

Ironically, the fifth incident doesn’t actually directly involve him. The entire experience is seared into Kili’s brain, something that he will never, ever forget. It was starting to get warm again, winter finally deciding to ebb away. He was walking back from class and had decided that instead of going straight back to the apartment, he’d go grab a sandwich from one of the little delis that he liked.

 

He noticed the smell of smoke first. It was extremely familiar to him, now that he spent so much time around Fili, his face pressed into his hair and body curled around the blonds. It was the sound of sirens that obviously followed soon after. He knew Fili was working today, and the fact that whatever was happening was so close by made him decide that it was a good idea to check it out.

 

By the time he makes it around to where the fire is, the building before him is a raging inferno. There’s yelling and shouting coming all up and down the street, Fili’s crew moving quickly around as they sprayed water onto the building. Despite his time in the city, he has never seen a fire like this before, his own coffee shop experience not included. Broken windows belch out clouds of smoke, flames licking through and making the empty holes look like maws of hell.

 

And there is a sick, twisted feeling that’s in the very pit of his stomach, the marrow of his bones, which tells him that Fili is inside. He’s not exactly sure how he knows it, but he does. He walks forward slowly, weaves through police officers that are trying to clear the street as he looks on at the raging fire. Dwalin is yelling and Bofur looks like he’s about to be sick, Bard and a few of the others are directing the hose and it looks like an enormous mess.

 

Kili feels numb, like his blood has gone cold and his heart has frozen in his chest. He doesn’t feel a single thing, just looks on with cool clarity at the events taking place before him. There’s the harsh cracking sound of wood, Dwalin is shouting and one side of the roof crumples in on itself, red, raining burst of sparks twisting and swirling through the air.

 

Bofur backs towards the truck and somewhere in-between blinking the man had grabbed an axe and was handing it off to Dwalin. His brain can’t even try to piece together what that could possibly mean. He stands there for long minutes and listens to the crackle of flames, the sounds of the building creaking and more pieces caving in. He’s not sure when, but Bofur has managed to spy him, coming up to him with wide eyes and motioning for him to stay away.

 

“Kili you shouldn’t be here, you should call Ori and go back to the apartment, okay?”

 

“He’s still in there.”

 

Bofur pales and Kili feels like maybe he’s going to be sick, because the twisted churning inside of his body is something that he wants to be gone, wants expelled without a single doubt.

“Kili, you need to go.”

 

“Because you don’t think he’s going to get out?”

 

And maybe it was harsh to say it like that, but from the broken look in Bofur’s eyes and the continued paling of his complexion, he knows that he has spoken the truth. Kili feels hollow, empty and blank and he doesn’t know what to do.

 

“We’re going to do our best to get him out Kili, but you can’t.. you can’t be here for this.”

 

“Where else am I supposed to be? Am I supposed to just go home and pretend that I haven’t.. that I’m not seeing this? Just wait for a fucking phone call to let me know? Is that it?”

 

“He wouldn’t want you to be here watching this, okay?! Go _home_ Kili!”

 

Bofur snarls the words and all Kili can smell and taste is smoke, and he’s lost and scared and empty all at once and he doesn’t know what to do. So he wilts, looks at Bofur with wide lost eyes and gets the hell away because he doesn’t know what else to do. He’s not wanted here, and maybe it’s the best thing for him to not be here to see the outcome of it all.

 

So he goes home, goes up the elevator and stumbles through the apartment door, crumples onto the floor and starts sobbing because he doesn’t know what else to do. Ori’s home and he hears the sobbing, rushes out of his room and throws himself down onto the floor beside Kili.

 

“Kili what’s wrong!?”

 

He tries to answer, he does, but he can’t stop sobbing and all he wants to do is take a sleeping pill and dream and pretend that this isn’t happening because he doesn’t know what else to do. But Ori is there, arms wrapped around him and gently asking him what’s wrong, what can he do to help, and he doesn’t even know the answers to that himself. Eventually he manages to explain the situation, leaving Ori pale faced and worried and Kili just wants to go to sleep now because he’s shivering and shaking and he can’t stop crying and the world is trying to suffocate him ever so slowly.

 

“I’m going to grab my phone and I’m going to text a few people, okay? I’ll check the news station and things.. it’s going to be okay, Kili.”

 

It doesn’t feel like things are going to be okay though. It feels far from it, actually, but he can’t bring himself to speak another word, so he forces himself to stand up and stumble after Ori because he can’t sit in front of the door like this anymore. He helps Kili settle himself on the couch and he curls up underneath a blanket because he feels like he’s freezing and he can’t stop shivering.

 

Ori is texting frantically and Kili is just there. He’s just there on the couch, sitting and crying because that’s all he’s capable of. It’s all he can do. An hour goes by and he’s finally managed to stop crying but his entire heart is aching and his eyes are burning but he can’t close them because now he’s terrified to go to sleep; who knows what images his brain might conjure up. He’s curled up in a little ball and Ori is on the phone now, but Kili doesn’t hear anything that is said. All he can focus on is the absolute intense need he has to not have a breakdown and start crying again.

 

“Kili? Kili he’s okay, he made it out and he’s just being seen by the doctor right now, okay? He wasn’t hurt badly, only banged up a little and some minor burns but it’s procedure for them and he’ll come over when he can, okay?”

 

He doesn’t say anything. But he should, because Fili is fine, he’s okay and he’s not dead. But he can’t.

 

Kili can’t say anything because he isn’t okay. Not by a long shot.

 

* * *

 

 

He fell asleep. He’s not really sure when or for how long, all he knows is that it’s definitely been a few hours because the room is plunged in dusky light. It takes him a few moments to gather his bearings, head fuzzy with sleep and eyes still raw and sore. A clenched fist moves to rub at an eye, and it’s not until then that he begins to remember why exactly he’s asleep on the couch right now. He feels like he’s going to be sick. That’s when he notices the soft touch of a hand rubbing up and down his left leg.

 

Slowly uncurling from his nest of blankets, he meets the gaze of familiar blue eyes. He shouldn’t be surprised that Fili is here. The blond looks completely exhausted, hair a frazzled mess and heavy bags beneath his eyes. Kili can see a forming bruise along the curve of his jaw. He looks away. Fingers still and tightly grip at the muscle of his leg.

 

“Kili….”

 

“I’m glad you’re okay.”

 

“You shouldn’t have been there.”

 

And he tenses. He feels the way his muscles tighten beneath layers of skin, the way his tendons seem to harden the joints of his bones. Most of all, he feels the way his gut clenches, heart freezing inside of his chest.

 

“Should I stop walking on the street?”

 

“Kili, that’s not –“

 

“No, you’re right, of course, next time I’ll just completely walk by and pretend that I don’t know that you’re working. Sounds fucking fantastic.”

 

He throws the blankets off of his body and hoists himself up off of the couch, sudden tingling waves of anger slithering through his being. Kili doesn’t want to deal with this, not when he’s so raw and open, and he can’t handle Fili treating him like he’s done something wrong for simply caring.

 

“Jesus, Kili, I’m just- You shouldn’t put yourself in that situation, you don’t need to worry about it, it’s-“

 

“Don’t worry about it!? How am I supposed to not worry about it when you could _die_!? How am I supposed to just ignore that!?”

 

“I – Kili, can you please just listen to me? Okay, just listen?”

 

“So you can tell me that I shouldn’t ‘worry about it’? So you can tell me that next time, because there _will_ be a next time, I should just walk away and pretend that I don’t see a god damn thing? So you can pretty much tell me to not care!?”

 

Fili runs his fingers through the top of his hair, tangling the strands even more and he looks so tired and sad and Kili doesn’t care. It’s not _fair_ and Fili is just looking at him with wide blue eyes and there might be a spark of frustration kindling and Kili doesn’t care at all anymore. They’re starting to shout and he doesn’t _care_.

 

“That’s not what I’m saying Kili, I’m not telling you that you shouldn’t care I’m just.. I’m just saying that there needs to be boundaries and –“

 

“And you know what I’m saying, Fili!? _Fuck you_!”

 

It goes silent. And then it really goes to hell.

 

“Oh yes, because that’s really mature Kili, telling me to fuck off instead of talking to me!”

 

“You’re asking me to pretend that there’s nothing wrong when I see a fire in the neighborhood and I know you’re working! You’re asking me to pretend like I don’t feel anything!”

 

“I’m asking you to not come around when I’m trying to do my fucking job! It’s a distraction I don’t need Kili! I don’t need to think about you being out on the sidewalk freaking the fuck out every time I’m in a burning building!”

 

“Well I’m _sorry_ that me having feelings for you and being _in love with you_ is such an inconvenience to your work!”

And it’s silent, because he’s never told Fili that he loves him before. But he does and it’s fucking terrifying and he’s so pissed right now and he can feel the stupid fucking tears welling up in his eyes again.

 

“Kili I just.. I haven’t had any sleep and I’m- I’m tired and what happened in the house freaked me the fuck out and I’m just scared and – and I barely even know what I’m saying right now so please just.. just let me get a few hours of sleep and I promise I’ll talk to you, I swear to god I’ll stay until we figure this out I’m just- please just let me stay and then I’ll fix this because I _need_ you, okay?”

 

“I.. You can take my bed and I’ll stay out here on the couch.”

 

He says the words, but they don’t sit well in his chest. It’s like his lungs are ballooned out and are rubbing against his chest and everything is compressed. The feeling is uncomfortably similar to when he broke his ribs. Then there’s the fact that he makes the biggest mistake ever in looking at Fili’s face, seeing the raw wounded look that’s there and a part of him whines and stomps because it isn’t _fair._ He should get to curl up next to Fili, arms wrapped around him and face pressed against his chest. But he’s feeling all twisted and conflicted inside because of todays events, and now, standing there, he doesn’t even know what he really wants to happen from here.

 

“Can we.. can you just.. please stay with me? I know you’re pissed, I do, but I always sleep better when I’m next to you and.. we can go back to fighting as soon as we wake up again, I promise? And that sounds so, so fucked up, but we can just go to sleep and be at an impasse for right now?”

 

Kili can feel the way his body sags, heart clenching and his insides are still churning. How did things turn into such a complicated, fucked up mess?

 

“I… this isn’t going to change anything when we wake up.”

 

“I know.”

 

And it doesn’t.

 

They both wake up hours later, Fili’s limbs thrown over and curled around Kili. A part of him wants to fall back asleep because then he can pretend this completely asinine situation wasn’t happening. But he’s too prideful to do that, and he’s still convinced that Fili is _wrong._

 

It takes a little while for Fili to really wake up, but once he does, he takes his time uncurling away from Kili. He doesn’t look half as tired now, but there’s something in his eyes, a spark that’s missing.

 

They fight again, all tense and angry in Kili’s bed.

 

“I’m allowed to worry about you Fili, and if I see a fire, and I know that you’re there, of course I’m going to be afraid and freaked out and want to check! It’s not like I was waiting for something to happen so I could go and stalk you!”

 

“It’s a distraction to me, okay!? You can’t just show up there, what if I’m not inside and I’m just trying to do my job? And you’re there watching? I _have_ to put my life on the line for this, and having you there, I’m just – I can’t afford to let myself feel guilty about potentially getting myself killed because I’m doing what I need to, okay?”

 

“Do you honestly think I’m that oblivious as to what your job entails? Fili, I know _exactly_ what being a firefighter means, I _know_ that you’re risking your life every single damn day, I get that! But you can’t – you can’t tell me that I’m not allowed to be afraid and – and irrational when I know that you could get hurt or that you could die! I’ve _never_ asked you to stop being whom you are, to stop being a firefighter, to give up on something that you love so much just because I’m fucking terrified that I’m going to lose you! And you just- why do you think it’s okay for you to ask me to stop being me? Because I worry and I care! and I can’t – I can’t just _not_ care!”

 

“How am I supposed to do my job if I’ll be thinking to myself the entire time that you’re around, that if I die you’ll be fucking crushed!?”

 

They’re growling at each other and trying to keep their voices down because Ori is home now, but they keep slipping up and he knows that Ori is probably being a nosy little bastard right now and listening in. Kili is tense and raw all around his edges, and he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to get Fili to see, he can’t just pretend that Fili isn’t a firefighter when he sees or hears about some kind of incident when he’s walking around the city.

 

“I can’t afford distractions Kili, you can’t be there when I’m working.”

 

“And I can’t afford to shut pieces of myself off and pretend like I’m a robot. I can’t.. you want me to be in a relationship with you, with this giant fucking double standard between us. I’m not making you change as a person, but I’m supposed to just change who I am because it’s inconvenient to you? And I don’t even know what to say anymore so I’m just.. you should just leave. The balls in your court, do whatever you fucking want.”

 

Limbs untangle and brown snarled hair is thrown up into a half assed knot, fingers ghosting through his clothes to find something clean before he slams out of his room, leaving for the bathroom. Ori’s predictably standing nearby having been listening in, and Kili doesn’t even give a fuck, he just wants hot water to burn away the pulsing ache in his veins.

 

Fili is long gone before he finishes.

 

* * *

 

 

Days go by and neither man says a word to the other. They don’t text, and when they run into each other at the coffee shop, Kili manages to get one of the others to take Fili’s order. He’s fucking miserable.

 

But he’s prideful, and he refuses to budge, because he had said his part and he was adamant that the ball truly was in Fili’s court. It’s a stupid idiotic situation, and Bofur is the one who ends up calling him three days later, desperate.

 

“Kili, you need to make up with him, _please_ , he’s insufferable! He’s miserable and gloomy and stares at his phone all the time and he is an absolute wreck without you, he came into work wearing one of your damn flannels, that’s how much he missed you! And you _know_ how he feels about those damn things!”

 

“If he wants to talk, he can get a hold of me.”

 

Bofur, in no uncertain terms, has a meltdown.

 

“The two of you are damn children! Do you hear me Kili?! Yer’ miserable, insufferable little brats who are letting their pride get in-between a wonderful relationship! The both of you are better than this, you are _adults_ for Christ’s sake!”

 

“Tell that to him!”

 

“What the hell do you think I’ve been doing the past three days!?”

 

The conversation completely deteriorates from there, Kili tapping the end call button less than a minute later.

 

It takes another two days and, of course, a ridiculous and dramatic situation to get them both talking to one another again. Looking back at it all, Kili actually shouldn’t be surprised at how ridiculously dramatized their entire damn relationship was, so it only made sense that some kind of freak occurrence would get them off of their mutual cold shouldering.

 

He’s in the Chemistry Department when the fire alarms start going off. It’s a new semester and he’s taking a required class to graduate. He’s just trying to go to the stupid class when the painfully familiar sound starts screeching through the air, eardrums jolting and spots pulsing in his vision from the bright lights that blink along with the noise. The sound in itself is enough to make anyone freak out, let alone the addition of the lights.

 

There are only a few classes going on at this point in the day but there’s a sudden wave of students pouring out of classrooms, voices yelling over the sounds of the alarm. He’s curious himself to find out what exactly is going on, curious if it’s a fire drill but something tells him that’s not the case when the explosion hits. To say that it’s surprising would be an understatement. It feels like a giant is shaking the entire world, bodies stumbling and slamming into one another, individuals falling onto the floor or smashing into the walls. Kili stumbles himself, a girl knocking into him and his body is slamming none to gently against the wall. Sharp twisted ache snakes along his skin, but he doesn’t have much time to think about it, not when there’s another rumbling jolt through the building and fingers of glass spray across the floor and into soft bodies like shrapnel. People are screaming in fear and pain, everyone moving in a mass of confusion and there’s blood slicking the floors now, clouds of smoke belching from the broken chem lab windows that were obviously not as up to code as the university would like to let their students believe.

 

There are smoke stained students stumbling out of the room, eyes wide and bodies shivering in fear and shock. Others carry their friends out; limp bodied and completely blacked out because they were to close to whatever had happened. And still the fire alarms wail, adding more chaos, flickering light of flames slowly making itself known to the hallway.

 

He’s probably one of the only ones that hasn’t completely lost it, and he doesn’t hesitate to start pushing students towards the buildings exit, away from the flames because the quicker everyone gets the hell out, the better; It’s only a matter of time before more chemicals ignite.

 

Other students soon start to help corral everyone together, and Kili decides to take his chances with staying back with those who are more seriously injured. A few professors and other able bodied students work together to help half carry half drag the five students who are completely knocked out. Kili doesn’t feel anything at all, and that in itself lets him know that there’s going to be a shitload of shock to get through later. But for now he ignores it. The less injured and completely unscathed are long gone now while the rest of them struggle to get away from the ticking time bomb behind them. They manage to get down two flights of stairs before another explosion hits. Kili slips and takes a tumble down the stairs, but he can’t even feel where his body has collided with the hard surfaces.

 

His professor, Dr. Bernen, calls out to see if he’s fine as well as a few of his classmates. He’s peachy keen compared to the others. Pulling himself up, he clambers back up the stairs and loops the arm of his classmate, Eowyn, back around his shoulders. They make it down another flight of stairs before quite a few familiar faces are racing up the stairway. Something tells him that there should probably be at least one of them outside helping to man the hose.

 

Bofur shoots past them up towards the burning hallway, and Fili doesn’t even to pretend to act concerned about those who are obviously more injured around him, goes up to Kili and places his hands on his shoulders. He can almost taste the fear that is pouring off of Fili.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“Stick around, okay? Please don’t leave?”

 

Part of him wants to snark out a comment of how Fili was the one who said to not distract him when he was trying to do his job. But he bites his tongue, knows that Fili is probably feeling freaked out as all hell right now and he doesn’t want to add onto that. Maybe now he’ll understand.

 

“I’ll be here.”

 

Bard helps to guide them down another flight before a backup crew shows up to really push things along. There are more rumbles and crashes coming from upstairs, and by the time they get out things seem to become increasingly under control as far as the fire is concerned. The scene itself is absolute chaos. Students are all over the street, traffic is at a standstill, and there are quite a few ambulances present to check students out. The ones who were seriously injured were long gone at this point.

 

Kili himself ends up at an ambulance, body being prodded by fingers and questions being asked on the amount of smoke he possibly inhaled. He answers them all, and in the end he just has a few bumps and bruises from the entire experience. If anything, it’s the shock that’s the real problem. Now that the adrenaline is leaving his veins, he’s left with a gaping sense of bewilderment, a tingling sense of fear and anxiety that aches inside of him. His frame is wracked with shivers, fingers gripping the fabric of his messenger bag and eyes squinting shut. It doesn’t take long for someone to drape a blanket around his body and a voice to whisper into his ear. But the voice is unfamiliar and all he wants is for Fili to show up.

 

Luck must be on his side for once, because not more than a minute later he’s being enfolded in a smoky hug, eyes flicking open and his own arms coming up to encircle Fili.

 

“I’m so sorry Kili, I just- when I heard the location and I knew you had class and I was – I couldn’t even _breathe_. I was an idiot before and I’m sorry and you’re always allowed to worry about me okay? I’m a big dumb brawny firefighter and you’re the smart college guy and you’re always right, and I am just really, really sorry.”

 

“You just gave me a trump card for every argument we ever have, you know that, right? Man, I’m going to lord that against you, I really am.”

 

“ _Kili._ ”

 

Fili’s arms squeeze hard around him, and it’s like being home again. Fear dissipates because how could he ever be afraid when he’s wrapped in the comfort of his loves arms? He hugs back, presses his face against the curve of Fili’s neck and just breathes. It’s odd, how comforting the smell of smoke has become to him.

 

“Dwalin’s letting me off, says I’ll be a nuisance if I stick around and I only have an hour left anyways.”

“We can go to my apartment? I’m sure Ori has heard about the news by this point and will want to make sure I’m okay with his very own nosy eyes. We can get some take out and just snuggle up and watch a movie? You can kiss me and hold me and tell me all about how wrong you were.”

 

And that beautiful laugh that he loves so much filters through the air, a stark contrast to the fear and anxiety that consumes the area around them. Fingers curl into the fabric of his jacket and a slightly chilled nose rubs against his cheek.

 

“I love you too, Kili. You know that, don’t you?”

 

“I had an inkling. But hearing it makes me feel like I’ve just had like, 10,000 cups of coffee, so there’s that,” Kili laughs, warmth spreading through his entire being to the very tips of his fingers. He feels like he could heal the sick right now, he’s so god damn happy.

 

They make their way out of the congealed mess of students and firefighters in the street, Fingers clasped tight and shoulders brushing together as they make their way out from the crowded street.

 

“Ready to go home?”

 

“I think I’m already there.”

“You are the _sappiest_ person I have ever been with, but you’re so damn cute I can’t even bother to come back with a sarcastic reply,” Kili snorts.

 

“All this cuteness is needed to balance all that hipster geek chic you’re carting around, so I guess we’re even.”

 

“Cute _and_ sassy. I like it.”

 

They smile and laugh they’re way down the street, ignoring the bad things that have happened because life is to short to dwell on the negatives.

 

This is happiness at it’s finest.

**THE END**

* * *

 

Or possibly not the end! I'm thinking that if enough people like it, I'll make a sequel! :) So let me know what you think! Please leave comments kudos, it's how I survive! Haha! Thanks for reading lovelies! <3

 

 


End file.
